AllFreeNovel
Share Us
* * *
I go to bed alone again tonight.
This time it’s not because Grant is doing the evening perimeter check. I have no idea where he is right now. We’ve been avoiding each other since the afternoon.
If there was something to say that I thought would change things, I’d summon the courage to go find him and make him talk to me. But the man is like granite. Unmovable once he’s made up his mind.
And a long time ago he decided I’m fragile, made of crystal—and therefore no good for anything that takes courage and strength. He’ll take care of me. Protect me and make sure I get everything I need. He’ll even fuck me now that he’s gotten over whatever was holding him back in that for so long.
But he’ll never trust me as an equal. Not in any way that counts.
I can see that now. Which means all the hope and effort and feelings and desires I’ve poured into this relationship have all been for nothing. Tossed into a black hole.
I’ve been in a painfully blank daze all evening because of it, and I curl up in bed, facing the wall. All alone.
For a while, I wonder if he’s going to stay away all night, but he comes in after just a half hour. He’s silent as he walks in and starts washing up. Although I feel his eyes on me, I don’t turn over or even move.
It feels like something is going to happen. I’m so tense as I wait for it that I start to tremble.
After a few minutes, I stop hearing the rustle of his motion. He must have washed up and taken off his clothes for bed. Now I’m not sure. It feels like he’s just standing there staring down at me.
“You’re still mad at me?” he asks at last, a lot of gravel in his voice.
The question surprises me so much I turn over onto my back so I can see him. I was right. He’s looming over the bed, his eyes fixed on me. “Yes, I’m still mad! Did you think this was something small that I’d just shrug off?”
I give him a chance to respond to this, but he doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t move.
So I go on. “You belittled me, humiliated me, and treated me like a child—and you did it in front of everyone. Is there any world where you think I’d be okay with that?”
“No, I didn’t think you’d be okay with it.” For the first time, he glances away.
For some reason, that small, helpless gesture gives me hope. I sit up in bed. “Then why did you do it? Why did you do that to me, Grant?” Despite my best effort, my voice cracks just slightly as I say his name.
“I wouldn’t have done it like that if I’d been better prepared,” he says, sitting on the bed so he’s closer to me. He’s wearing nothing but his underwear. “I would have talked to you about it first. But I thought we would need you to make up numbers, so I didn’t think there would be a choice. Then when there was enough, I thought I could manage it somehow. I knew you’d want to go, and I thought I could grit my teeth and bear it. But I can’t. I was standing there, picturing it happen, and I couldn’t do it. I just… can’t. I can’t let it happen. That’s why I did it in front of everyone.”
Part of me recognizes he’s opening up more to me now than he almost ever does, but I’m too upset to be happy about it. “It’s not about you. What I do or don’t do is my choice, not yours. I understand that you don’t like the idea of me walking into a fight, but you don’t get to make that decision.”
“I know that,” he mutters. “The choice got taken out of my hands.”
“It was never in your hands to begin with! That’s what you don’t seem to get. I know when we first met I was only seventeen, and I was spoiled and kind of helpless. But I’m none of those things anymore. You fuck me like I’m an adult woman. You don’t get to also treat me like a child.”
“I’ve never treated you like a child.” He’s angry now. Not just defensive but angry in his soft, gruff way. “In anything. That isn’t what this is about, and you know it.”
I give him a reluctant nod to acknowledge the point because I know it’s true. Even on the first day we met, he didn’t treat me like a child. “Okay, fine. Not a child. But not like a capable human being who is in the same situation here as everyone else. I’m not a sheltered princess or a porcelain doll, Grant. I’m not. I don’t care that my dad was a billionaire. He did everything he could to get us through Impact, and he still ended up dying. All his money and resources couldn’t save him. We’re all doing the best we can to survive and make a life here. There’s no such thing as princesses in this world. You’ve got to stop treating me like one.”
He’s still angry. Breathing loud and heavy. But there’s more going on in his face now. Something deep and intense and angsty. It takes a long time, but he finally rasps out, “You’re my princess. You can’t be surprised when I do anything—absolutely anything—to keep you safe.”
My stupid soft heart. It cracks right in two at his words. My throat closes up, and my eyes burn. I love the sound of the words so much that I almost collapse in his arms, but something more important than sentiment is at stake right now. I manage to push back the tears. Since I can’t get any words out, I shake my head.
He makes a frustrated sound. “Damn it, Olivia, I’m never going to let it happen. I’m never going to let you get hurt if there’s anything I can do to stop it from happening. Why are you even questioning this now? It’s always been that way. On the first day I met you, I promised your dad that if anything managed to get to you, I’d already be dead. It’s been true ever since. Protecting you has always been my job.”
“I was seventeen back then! I couldn’t do anything to keep myself safe. But I can now. You know that because you’re the one who taught me how. It’s not your job anymore. It’s not your responsibility or your duty or your burden or your fucking job!” My voice is getting louder, and something like desperation is clenched in my chest.
“Okay, then fuck responsibility and duty.” His jaw is clenched, and the thick muscles of his thighs are visibly tense. “Fuck all that. It doesn’t change anything. Because I’m still going to do anything to keep you safe. What the hell do you think would be left for me in this world if anything happened to you?”
I’m flushed and tense and trembling and want nothing more than to shake sense into his obstinate head, but the hoarse question touches me anyway. My chest hurts so much I have to cover it with one hand.
“I’ll have nothing.” Grant’s hand is tightly gripping the covers like he’s using the clenched fist to channel everything he’s feeling. “Nothing. Without you.”
