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Fair enough. “I really am okay. Missy’s emotions have bled from my system.”
“And what about your emotions?”
“It was Missy who suffered, not me. I simply saw what happened.”
He planted his palms on the island and leaned forward slightly. “It isn’t that simple. You effectively witnessed a brutal crime—that’s hard on anyone. You also felt what she felt, which will have only made it harder on you. My guess is you play down how it affects you because you feel that you don’t have the right to be upset when it didn’t physically happen to you.”
She looked away, not liking how well he read her. “Okay, so it’s hard to experience painful things that others went through. Having those images in my head is a motherfucker. Feeling their agony makes me feel sick inside. And, yes, it makes me feel raw and vulnerable and plain drained. But that’s just how it goes. I don’t dwell on any of it because I like that I’m able to help people this way—the trade-off is worth it.”
“There,” he said, a note of satisfaction in his voice. “Sharing isn’t so hard, is it?”
She rolled her eyes. “Your turn.”
He waited until he’d placed her sandwich in front of her before he spoke. “As I’ve told you before, my mother and aunt were stray demons. From what I learned, Moira did love my mother. I suspect it was for that reason alone that she took me in after Blanche died. But Moira never parented me. I was a hindrance. She often left me alone or with neighbors while she went off to do whatever she did. A few people described her as self-destructive. She had more of an addictive personality than most demons. Drugs, cheap thrills, sex—they seemed to be the only things that made her feel alive.”
“I’ve met demons like that before.” Piper bit into her sandwich. “They rarely snap out of that mental state.”
Levi inclined his head. “But she deserved to have the chance to see if she could. He robbed her of that. Robbed her of her life.”
“And he robbed you of the only person you had left,” she said with a pointed look, letting Levi know she wouldn’t let him get away with discounting his own emotions just as he hadn’t allowed her to dismiss her own.
He swallowed. “Yeah. I’m guessing he did to her exactly what he did to Missy, only he didn’t allow her to live. I don’t know for sure, because I don’t remember any of it.”
“Wait, you were there?”
Levi nodded. “He had to have been the one to dump me at the orphanage—part of his MO is to parent the children alone for a short time and then place them outside somewhere that shelters demonic orphans. And yes, it sickens me to know that the bastard probably cuddled and played with me, not to mention fed me and changed my clothes.”
Jesus, her heart went out to him. How much of a mind fuck would that be? He might have had centuries to get used to it, but it wouldn’t make it any easier to bear.
Levi flexed his fingers. “I don’t have any recollection of what happened to Moira or of him.”
Piper figured that the latter wasn’t such a terrible thing, because he’d have otherwise been haunted by the sort of nightmares that would forever taunt Missy. But Piper could understand why he’d lament having no memory of such a pivotal time in his life.
“From what I witnessed through Missy’s memories, it’s like he wants to create the perfect family for himself,” said Piper before taking another bite of her sandwich. “But I don’t think he truly saw Missy or her sister. Not as people. They were more like objects to him. Toys he moved around like it was a game that he needed to control every aspect of. But then he resented that it wasn’t real, that Missy wasn’t willing, that everything wasn’t falling into place the way he wanted, and that she wasn’t who he truly wanted.”
“I agree, they’re more like toys to him. Dolls, even. For him, they’re there to fulfill his fantasies. They have only the personality, wants, and motivations that he assigns them. He discards them when they don’t prove fun to play with anymore. But in Missy’s case, he didn’t blame her for his disappointment in the game, he blamed himself for targeting sisters instead of a mother and daughter.”
“Killers tend to have pathological minds. They can be obsessive about every minute aspect of how they follow whatever compulsions they have. They generally don’t like to deviate from their habits and routines, though they can evolve over time.”
Levi nodded. “His tastes appear to have evolved. Personality wise, Moira was nothing like Emma, Diem, or Missy. My aunt apparently had a bad attitude and a foul temper. She bore no physical similarities to them either. All that links them is their lack of an adequate support system and that they were single mothers—or, in my aunt’s case, single guardian. That could actually be all he looks for in a potential victim, I don’t know.”
