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Fuck.
I ran my hands through my hair.
I was in love with Sadie.
And she was going to leave when the festival ended in two weeks.
The war playing out in my chest must have made its way onto my face, because Gwen slowed down as she got closer to my table. She looked like she already regretted her decision to come over, but she stuck it out because that was who she was.
“Hey, Drew.”
I looked up at her, trying to quell the terror racing through me at my sudden revelation. “Hey, Gwen.”
“Mind if I join you for a minute?”
“Go ahead.” I nodded at the seat across from me.
She fiddled with the wrapped silverware at the place setting in front of her. “I heard you’re the emergency Valor King replacement.”
“Jesus,” I muttered. “Did they put up a billboard last night or something?”
She forced a small laugh, eyes still down on the table. “No. But you had to know this would be big news. That everybody would be talking about it.” She lifted her gaze to mine. “Are you positive you’re ready for this? It seems sudden. I don’t want…well…”
No doubt she was mentally replaying what happened when the committee hounded me nonstop about being Valor King the first year after the accident. And I couldn’t blame her. The incident where I tore Jasper Malone a new asshole in front of half the town was still burned into everyone’s memories.
“It is sudden, you’re right.” Everything was pretty goddamn sudden lately.
I was suddenly coming out of hiding. I was suddenly in love. I was suddenly terrified of Sadie leaving.
I turned my attention back to Gwen. “But don’t worry, I’m not going to fly off the handle. In fact, I apologized to Jasper this morning before the emergency committee meeting. It’s water under the bridge. He’s just happy they’ve got me for this year, because it means Eloise has calmed down. Relatively speaking.”
“Really?”
She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. Even though it was a friendly gesture, it felt wrong. But I worried shaking it off would seem rude. And if I was honest with myself, I owed Gwen a major apology. Now wasn’t the time though. I needed to sort out what I was going to do about Sadie.
“I’m so glad to hear that,” she said. “Is this…is this all because of that Sadie girl?” Her eyes shone.
“Look, Gwen, I’m sorry I was such an asshole after the accident. You didn’t deserve—”
“That’s not how I meant it.” She waved me off with her free hand, then wiped at the corners of her eyes. “I’m glad someone got through to you. Glad she didn’t listen to me.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. “Didn’t listen to you about what?”
“Kobie and I told her she shouldn’t ask you to fill in as Valor King.”
I wasn’t sure why it didn’t sit right with me, to know she’d been considering it but didn’t ask me. It was a stupid thing to be insulted over. Hell, if she’d asked before yesterday, I would have shut her down in a heartbeat. “I guess she did take your advice because she didn’t ask me. It was my suggestion.”
Wasn’t it?For a millisecond, I doubted myself. Wondered if she’d somehow subliminally suggested I do it without me realizing. But that was some paranoid-level bullshit. I definitely chose to do this on my own.
“Wow.” Gwen’s eyes went wide. “Good for you. Not that it’s any of my business, but I think she’s good for you.” She stared down at her hand on mine before pulling it back and giving me a sad but genuine smile.
An unspoken moment passed between us, where all of our past baggage lifted from our shoulders. A bittersweet acknowledgement of the unfulfilled future we’d both moved on from.
She slid out of the booth and stood up, opening her arms for a hug. I moved in and gave her a couple of awkward pats on the back. It was the goodbye we never had. Even though we’d both already moved on, the closure was one more thing this week that brought me a little closer to being whole again.
“See you around.” She rubbed my arm and headed back to her family.
I sat down and ran my hand over the back of my head. After spending so much time locked up alone, I’d crammed about a year’s worth of emotions into the last half hour.
Val swung by with coffee and my breakfast platter and nodded toward Gwen. “You guys good?”
“Yup.” I grabbed my fork and shoveled eggs into my mouth. The weird feeling in my stomach was probably just hunger.
Val knew I wouldn’t want to get into the details. She rapped her knuckles on the table. “Okay, then.” She headed off to refill coffees in the rest of her section.
Before I could straighten out my head, Axel and Veronica Everett slipped into the diner through the side door with their two young children. They grabbed one of the high-backed booths near the restrooms in the rear.
Shit. I was about to have a bigger problem than sorting out how to tell Sadie I was in love with her.
