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He laid his hand on top of hers, squeezing. The look in her eyes was so open, so kind, he found his lips moving of their own accord.
“My mama’s name was Colleen,” he swallowed thickly. The imaginary pebble in his throat barely moved. “I was named after her grandfather, actually. She and my daddy… they had a lot of issues. When I was a kid, they were both strugglin’ with drug addiction, and they hated each other and… it just wasn’t a good situation.” He pulled away from Aja completely, a hand running through his hair as sweat beaded at his temples. He started to pace, his jaw clenched tight enough to make his teeth ache. If he was going to tell her about his family’s sordid history, he wasn’t going to watch the pity play across her face when he did it.
“When I was four, she got tired of it all, I guess. One day she was here, the next day she split, and none of us have heard from her since. It’s part of why I don’t like being in Greenbelt. All this stuff you just learned about me? The folks who live here had a front-row seat. The drugs, my mama, my PTSD, every single thing. And they never let me forget it. Not for a minute.”
“Jesus, Walker.” Aja’s fingers curled around the back of his arm before he took a step back. “I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say except that I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Not that her words weren’t comforting, but Walker hadn’t been seeking them. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d shared this with her. Maybe seeing the baby photos had gotten his emotions high and acknowledging the why of it had lessened the pressure in his head. Maybe he just… wanted to be open with her. Wanted her to know parts of him that weren’t always easy for him to access himself. It had probably been a bit of both. He didn’t tell her everything. Couldn’t really. There was only so much of himself he could cut open and flay at a time while still managing to have enough left behind to stand upright.
Even if some tiny part of him wanted to keep going, he stopped himself. It was supposed to be a good afternoon. Warm and sunny and celebratory. And as dark as his mood had gotten, he didn’t want to darken more. His time with Aja had become precious to him and he wanted it to be filled with good, happy things.
“It’s… it’s not a big deal.” He rasped through his lie.
“Of course it is.” She rubbed her thumb across the warm skin of his upper arm, and his eyelids drooped.
Walker shook his head, trying desperately to gain some control of the moment. “It’s in the past,” he insisted. “I’m… I’m a grown man. I’m over it. I should be over it.”
“Walker, it’s not—”
He shook his head, pulling away again, still seeking control. “Aja, please. I promise it’s fine. I’ve had enough days in my life ruined by the Abbott family mess, I’m not tryin’ to add this one to the list.”
Her smile was kind but still full of too much sadness for his liking. “You haven’t ruined anything.”
She was lying, but he was so eager for the moment to be over that he plastered a smile on his face. “Anything else you want to do in here before we join the masses? I could reveal the incredibly humiliating story of how I lost my virginity, maybe? Since I’m dead set on embarrassing myself in front of you.”
“Walker, this just makes us even.” She finally took her eyes off him, and he let out a breath. “I’d like to do a little more snooping, actually. I’m still not over how wild this room is.”
Walker barked out a laugh that was much too loud and shakier than he’d intended. “Snoop away, Peaches.”
She let her feet carry her down the length of the wall, looking at all the photos. Once she reached the end she kept going, her fingers dancing over the large built-in bookshelves that took up the wall to the right of the mayor’s desk.
“It’s really cool in here.” She pulled a book out of its place, looking at the cover and turning it face up before sliding it back in.
Walker watched her, his eyes hungry to take in every move she made. The way her thighs flexed when she stood on her toes to fiddle with a trinket, the way her eyes danced like she was discovering something new. He was unabashed in his staring. If he was going to be without her soon, he was going to get his fill.
“If you think this is cool, you should see the shelves they have in the sitting room next door,”
Her eyes lit up. “Can we go in there?”
“You’re tryin’ to get me in trouble.…”
“If we get caught, we can say we were looking for the bathroom. Plus, we can be quick, in and out, I promise. I just want to see.”
He had no intention of denying her but left her hanging in anticipation for a few seconds. He loved the hopeful look on her face too much to let it slip by.
“All right.” He held his hand out and she took it easily, linking their fingers. “Come on.”
