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SIXTEEN
Amethyst
I managedto make it out of my father’s building without completely falling apart.
A minor miracle, and the best news I was going to get today.
As I drove home, I vacillated between shock and numbness.
And disbelief.
Part of me refused to accept what had happened, but every time I started to doubt it, thought maybe there was some other explanation, I remembered the way my father had looked at me.
So disappointed, and even more, incensed.
Angry—on behalf of men who had harmed me.
Uncaring of me at all.
I thought I was used to that, thought that I understood my father and his feelings for me.
He’d lost his wife, had been left with a child that he hadn’t been able to take care of. It wasn’t in his nature to be soft, expressive, or even particularly supportive.
But I’d always told myself that underneath all of that, there was love. He might not be able to show it, but it was there.
Now, I had to question that.
Maybe he did love me. But one thing was certain; he didn’t trust me.
And that hurt.
Hurt way more than it should have.
I’d spent my entire life trying to be what I thought he wanted, had tried hard not to be a burden, had never wanted to make things any harder for him than they needed to be.
And what had that gotten me?
The one time, the only time, when I really needed him, he didn’t believe me.
You knew he wouldn’t, and Davit did too.
I wanted to dismiss the thought, but knew it was true. Deep down, had I really believed he would trust me?
I hadn’t.
And Davit hadn’t said the words, hadn’t told me that my father would laugh in my face, but he hadn’t needed to spell it out. The implication had been clear.
How was it possible that a stranger—one who had been lying to all of us from the first day we had met him—had more insight into my father than I did?
I guessed I wasn’t as smart as I’d thought I was.
One thing I was, though, was exhausted.
My head was starting to pound, the stress and anxiety getting to me.
I pulled into my driveway, relieved to be back at my refuge.
Nothing had been resolved. In fact, I had made everything worse.
