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I know that I sounded accusatory, halfway deranged, but I didn’t care.
“Of course you can, but Paulette’s right. You need rest and Crystal needs food. We’ll do it this way, and you can try to nurse again at her next feeding,” he said.
“I—”
“She’s right,” Davit said.
I recognized that expression, the one that told me he wouldn’t compromise.
Didn’t bother to look at Paulette, because I knew I would find no support there.
And Crystal was practically vibrating with rage now.
That was the thing that tipped me over.
I wouldn’t make her suffer for my failures.
I handed the baby to Paulette, almost felt nauseous when she snuggled in Paulette’s arms and took the bottle, giving a relieved-sounding coo before she started to drink vigorously.
“Now go pump and then clean up. I’ll take care of her while you rest,” Paulette said.
“And I’ll—” Davit started.
But he was cut off by Paulette.
“And, you. Go take a walk or something. You’re hovering, and it’s not doing anyone any good.”
“I’m not hovering,” Davit said, sounding somewhere between offended and righteous.
“Call it what you want. But you need to get out of this house. Come back in a couple of hours,” Paulette said.
I couldn’t help but smile when he looked at me, searching for some rescue.
I shrugged, and he returned the smile.
We left Paulette and Crystal in the nursery, and I went to set up to pump.
“Do I really have to go?” Davit asked.
“You heard the lady,” I responded.
He gave me a smile, but then patted my shoulder, then gave me a soft kiss on my arm.
“You’re doing great, Amethyst,” he said.
“The fact that you feel like you need to say that tells me that I’m not.”
My voice cracked on the last word, something, which embarrassed me, but something that was unavoidable.
“No. It’s just me reminding you to cut yourself some slack. We’re both new to this,” he said.
“Slack?” I said, my disgust palpable.
“Crystal doesn’t get any slack. She depends on me for all her needs, and I—”
“Are fulfilling them,” he said, that finality in his voice.
“I can’t even—”
