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It seemed impossible to believe that even this was beyond me, but as these near-constant battles to get Crystal fed seemed to prove, it was.
I couldn’t help but wonder what this meant for the future, one that seemed both distant and imminent and incredibly terrifying.
“Just take a deep breath, Amethyst. Don’t get frustrated,” Davit said.
I didn’t look at him, didn’t even acknowledge him.
It wouldn’t be fair to take my temper out on him, especially when I knew he was only trying to help.
But those words definitely didn’t work.
Still, I did take part of his advice and let out a deep exhale.
But I stared down at Crystal, feeling that familiar squeeze in my chest.
“We can do this, sweetie,” I whispered.
I tried again, felt that same excitement when she started to latch.
That same crushing disappointment when she let go.
“Here you go,” Paulette said.
I hadn’t even realized she had come into the room, which I guessed wasn’t a surprise.
After all, how could I pay attention to something like my surroundings when I was busy being the world’s worst mother.
“What is that?” I asked Paulette.
“A bottle,” she said.
I shook my head. “No. We’ll be able to—”
“Amy,” Paulette said.
Something in that tone, maybe a vestigial memory of what a mother might sound like, made me look up.
That no-nonsense expression was one that I was getting used to. And one that I wasn’t sure I entirely liked.
“I can feed my baby,” I said.
I sounded defensive, borderline angry, but Paulette just shrugged it off.
“Of course you can. But you’re not,” she said.
“What does that mean?”
By this point, Crystal’s faint cry of frustration had become a full-on wail of anger and hunger.
“I mean I have a bottle right here. You’re exhausted. So you’re going to go pump, take a shower, and let me feed and change Crystal and put her down for a nap,” she said.
“I’m not—”
“She’s right, Amethyst,” Davit said.
I shifted my gaze to him, shocked at his betrayal.
“You think I can’t do it either?” I asked.
