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Seeing her hurt hurt me, but I didn’t know what to say, wasn’t sure what I could do about it.
So instead I said, “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “No. Don’t be. You two have a lot of catching up to do. Would you mind if I sat on the balcony?” she said.
Her voice sounded light, unbothered, but I saw the pain lingering in her expression, could see that she felt rejected.
“Of course not,” I said, imbuing my voice with more excitement and happiness than the moment required.
“Thanks,” she said.
I walked over to the door and saw that she gave me some privacy as I punched in the code to disengage the lock on the balcony.
“You two catch up,” she said, a soft smile on her lips as she went outside.
“This won’t take long,” Carol said, her gaze on my mother.
“Take as long as you need,” my mother said, attempting to reassure her.
Carol nodded, and I closed the door then came back over to her.
“How is this even…? I mean, what in the hell is this?” I said.
“I know,” Carol responded conspiratorially, giving me that look that was so familiar.
“Tell me everything!” I said.
“I should be saying the same thing to you. Josh!” she said with her eyes wide.
“Um…” I said.
She shook her head, cutting me off. “Don’t worry. I know there’s more there there. There’s a lot going on.”
“And I presume you know he’s not Josh?” I said.
“Yeah,” she responded, suddenly serious.
“I…”
“How long have you known?” I asked, suddenly feeling a sick pit in my stomach.
“I didn’t find out until after you left,” she said.
I breathed out, feeling a sense of relief.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s just…”
“It’s just that you found out that pretty much everyone in your life had been lying to you, it would hurt if I was too?”
“Insightful as always, Carol,” I said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about your mother, Amy. Keeping that secret hurt me more than I could ever tell you. But I didn’t know what else to do,” she said.
Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears, and I could see the hurt in them. I grabbed her hand and then shook my head. “You did what needed to be done, Carol,” she said.
“Still. I owe you…”
“You don’t owe me anything, and you have done more for me than pretty much anyone else I’ve ever known. You did what you needed to do. What you thought was best.”
