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“Yeah. I did, but I’m not sure that it was best,” she said, sounding wistful.
“What is it?” I asked sensing her upset.
“That bastard. I watched for years, hating the way he treated you, and I didn’t intervene,” she said, her voice rough with anger, hurt.
“Carol, what could you have done?”
“I don’t know. Something,” she said.
“No. There was nothing you could do. And in fact, being there for me for all these years is something I’ll never be able to repay,” I said.
“Repay? You are the light of my life, sweetheart. I just wish I could have protected you,” she said.
“I understand, but I know what you would tell me if the roles were reversed,” I said.
“And what’s that?”
I didn’t answer immediately and instead took a moment to think back over all those times Carol had given me wise advice. How she had given it in ways that I hadn’t recognized as advice then but that I saw clearly now.
“Remember when I was a kid and you used to tell me that everything happens for a reason?” I said.
“Yeah. I also remember how mad that would make you,” she responded with a smile.
“It did. It upset me so much because I didn’t understand how you could say that. Didn’t understand how this thing or that thing, the pain that I felt, was necessary. But I get it now,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I have a husband that I adore, a child that I love more than words. I got my mother back. I am beyond blessed, so I couldn’t possibly be mad at you. Not possibly,” I said.
“Well, thanks,” she answered. “And your mom, I couldn’t…”
“I understand, Carol. You couldn’t tell me. And I probably would have thought you were nuts anyway,” I said.
“Yeah. Exactly.”
I nodded. “I understand.”
“But Raphael,” she said, her face darkening. “If I had had any idea…” she said.
Then, she sighed.
“I didn’t know,” she said.
“You did what you could, and none of us knew how he was,” I said.
“I wish…”
“No,” I said, cutting her off. “He’s gone, and he doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s let him stay that way.”
“Agreed. He’s not even worth the words.”
She looked at me, her expression serious before it morphed into that smile that I recognized so well.
“Davit,” she said, looking at me conspiratorially.
“You know his real name?”
“Yeah. But who cares about his name? I told you he was hot, and you pretended like you didn’t agree,” she said.
