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“This would kill her,” he told me.
I nodded. “I’d quite like something to kill him,” I said quietly.
He flopped his head on top of mine and sighed. Did up the buttons he just undid.
And then I started crying, because that’s what I do whenever Christian and I try to have sex, except this time he cried a bit too.
Mine and BJ’s eyes catch across the table and I don’t need to say why because I know he already knows. He always already knows. His eyes drop mine.
“How was your first day, babe?” Taura says loudly, gaining control of the conversation.
I glance over at her gratefully.
“Um — good.” I nod. “Good. I just went shopping, pulled outfits for a shoot we’re doing next week with Florence Pugh.”
“Is she single?” Henry asks a bit too hopeful and I think he sort of says it to annoy Taura.
“I don’t think so.” I shake my head. “If she is though, I’d like to have a crack myself.”
“Yeah, but you’ll have a crack at anything these days, hey?” BJ fires suddenly.
“Oi—” Henry glares over at BJ, but I just stare him up and down.
“Not anything.”
BJ shoots me a few arrows and I cross my arms over my chest.
“Hey, how’s your live-in girlfriend?”
“Yep, love it. Great.” He nods once.
“Great.” I nod back.
Jonah looks between us. “Great.”
“Don’t you think, Jo?” Beej eyes him. “She’s great.”
“She’s okay.” Jonah nods and shrugs while looking a bit caught in the thickets.
“She’s breezy and chill and fun and easy-going and—”
“—Invites herself to live with you,” Henry adds and Beej shoots him a look.
“She’s the best. Can’t wait to spend Christmas with her,” Beej tells me, looking me dead in the eye. The table goes quiet. Henry sighs loudly, half on my behalf. We always spend Christmas together and it’s obvious — if only for the briefest of seconds — how much that hurts me.
His eyes that were like daggers a second ago turn to sorry feathers and I wonder if we’ll ever find a groove to exist with each other where we aren’t just tearing each other apart.
I blink it away quickly, give him a small smile, gesturing to the door.
“Well, don’t let us keep you. Your easy-going Christmas awaits…”
