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The canary that lives in my ribcage jumps onto its bird swing and starts to chirp away and the loudest room in London can feel like a slow river running over small stones at a quarter past midnight when he zones in on me, when he turns down the volume of the world with eyes I’ll never get past.
Hi, I mouth.
He gives me a barely-there smile and a blink-and-you-miss-it wink.
“Oi.” Julian nods his chin at Beej. “I’ve got some shit to do — can you grab her a drink?”
I look at Julian a bit perplexed. He just glances at me with a face I can’t totally place.
Beej nods. “Sure?”
Jules nods his head at Jo to follow him and I guess that makes sense. Julian tries his best to keep this part of himself separate from me.
Beej glances at the couch and I follow him over.
“Where’s Jordan?” I ask as I sit down next to him.
He leans over and almost grimaces. “We really need to have a talk, you and me.”
I feel nervous immediately. I swallow, nod, wave my hand permissively. “Go on, talk.”
He squashes a smile, looks around and then shakes his head.
“Not here.”
I look at him, confused. “Where then?”
He nods his chin at me. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
My heart leaps up into my throat.
“I don’t know,” I tell him in a quiet voice.
He pokes me in the ribs. “Now you do.”
My cheeks go pink immediately and I don’t care for it, so I cross my arms over my chest. “Actually, I don’t know a thing. That was all horrendously vague.”
“You’ll live.” He gives me a small smile before he nods over at me.” What did you do today?”
I shrug. “Lunch with Bridge at Annabel’s.”
He smiles. “She good?”
“I don’t know. You tell me, you with your weekly lunches.”
He gives me a look. “You live together.” And then he leans back on the couch a little, rests his head back, smiling over at me.
“Who’d have thought it, you and Bridget living together…”
I laugh and shake my head at him. “She’s my best friend.”
“No, I know, but I can’t really believe she agreed to it. You’d be nightmare of a housemate.”
I play-frown at him and he lets out a laugh.
“You would,” he insists.
“I’ll have you know that I am a breeze to live with.”
