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“I do love you.” I nod. “So much — I’m so sorry.”
“And that it wasn’t about me.”
I shake my head. “Wasn’t about you.”
She looks over at me. “That you won’t do it again.”
“I won’t do it again.” Keep shaking my head as I reach for her hand. “We can stop this friends shit now.”
She snatches her hand back.
“If you felt like we could have stopped with your stupid friends charade you should have stopped before we saw her. I don’t want her changing anything—” She scowls at me.
“Parks—”
“No! She changes nothing.” She glares at me. “You can’t just make me be your friend til you feel like it and whip out a relationship like a trump card to win me back when I’m sad.”
That hits me in the chest. Breathe it out slowly.
I nod once. Push some hair behind her ear.
“What do you need to forgive me?”
“Nothing.” She looks up at me quickly before she stares out the window. “What could you give me that would matter? You can’t take it back, it’s done. I just have to get over it.”
She shrugs like the thought of doing that is a bug on her shoulder.
“Do you know how to do that?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “But I love you more than I’m angry at you, so I need to figure it out.”
She sighs.
I don’t know what to say so I grab her neck, pull her in towards me, kiss her forehead.
Wish I could kiss her mouth. I don’t want to be her friend anymore. I’m done with it.
Not going to fight her on it at this moment, don’t want her thinking I’m over it just because of seeing Paili — that would fuck her mind around a bit. She’d read into that, I know she would.
“Do you trust me yet?” I ask her.
She purses her mouth. “I don’t know.”
I hold her face in my hand, angle it so she’s looking me in the eye.
“I’m out late one night—” I raise my eyebrows at her. “Later than I said I’d be. What’s your headspace like back at home?”
She frowns. “Why aren’t I with you in the first place?”
I give her a look. “Because you trust me and I’m allowed nights out by myself.”
“Right.” She nods but looks unsure.
“Right?” I ask, eyebrows up.
She pauses. “Sure, I guess.”
“Parks—” I sigh. “You have to trust me. We’re never going to work if you don’t.”
