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Ten
BJ
“I told her,” I tell Claire.
She’s nice. Older, gives off a mum vibe.
Don’t know whether she has kids or not though.
She’s Welsh, been here a while, long enough to know who I am and what we are, but it’s not gotten in the way. Helpful if anything… less to explain.
I felt weird about it at first, going to see someone. I wouldn’t have gone if the note wasn’t attached.
‘Or lose her forever.’ Wasn’t going to chance it. Glad I didn’t.
“Did you?” Claire looks pleased. “How did she take it?”
“Yeah—” I lick my bottom lip, shake my head. “She’s shattered.”
She nods thoughtfully. “I thought she might be.”
“Cried more than I’ve ever seen—”
She frowns a little. “Did she?”
I nod, play with the smokey quartz ring from Tom Wood. Parks got it for me a while back. I wear it all the time still. Mostly because it’s sick. A bit because I just want to.
“I think it changes everything,” I tell Claire without meeting her eyes.
She crosses her legs the other way.
“Did Magnolia say that?”
I glance up. “No.”
But yes. Not out loud, but still yes.
We have a whole language between us in the things we don’t say. Don’t need her to say a fucking thing to know what she means.
Claire purses her mouth, thinking.
“When you came to me at the start of your sessions, your main priority was becoming good enough for Magnolia. Do you feel like you’ve arrived at that place?”
I frown a bit at the question. “I don’t think she cares anymore.”
“Really?” She tilts her head.
“No.” I shrug. “I think she might want me either way—”
“So you don’t care anymore?” She scribbles something down quickly. “Because she doesn’t seem to?”
Shove my hands through my hair. “That’s not what I mean.”
She glances down at her pad, looks back up at me. Thinks for a few seconds.
“Did she ever tell you that you weren’t good enough for her?”
“No.”
