Page 43 of The Long Way Home


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“Then why do you think it?”

“Because I’m not.”

“Why?”

“I’m just not—” I shrug, defensive. “If you knew her, you’d get it.”

She nods, puts her pen down.

“We’ve talked about this before, BJ, but let’s talk about it again. How are you defining ‘good enough’?” She gives me a long look. “What do you think that means to her?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Just being a good guy. Trustworthy… and trying to be honourable and shit.”

She nods. “And do think you are those things?”

“Maybe.” I lift my shoulders. “I’m trying to be…”

“Good.” She smiles. “In what ways are you trying?”

I lick my bottom lip, look off into the corner of the room.

“I’m done with drugs. I’m done with lying, covering shit up. I’m honest about how I’m feeling, what I want.”

Claire nods. “They’re all great things.”

I look back at her. “I think I should maybe just call it with Jordan. Give it a crack with Parks again?”

“Hmm,” she says.

It’s not an encouraging sound… though not entirely discouraging either. It’s observational. Annoying if anything.

“Do you think that would that be the honourable thing to do?” Her brows fold. “End things with your current, rather new girlfriend, because your ex-girlfriend is briefly back in town?”

“It’s not like that.” I shake my head at her for not getting it. “Jordan and I have been dating for a month—”

“—I know.”

“Wasn’t even on purpose.”

“I know, but you decided to stick with it anyway,” she reminds me.

“Yeah, but that was before—”

“Before what?”

Magnolia came back is the answer, but I’m not going to say it to her.

“Me and Parks…” I sigh. “It’s a different beast.”

“‘Beast’ is an interesting way to put it.”

“Is it?” I frown.

“Isn’t it?”

I shrug. “It’s wild, untamable. Kind of amazing. Kind of terrifying. It hides in your closet, under your bed. It’s bigger than you are, you can’t outrun it—”

She nods. “Explain that to me.”

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