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Stella
Stella
Ihavenoideawhat in the hell is going on.
One minute, I was angry and ready to explode at the sight of Micah in front of my trailer. The next, I am wrapped up in his strong embrace, crying, and showing him a vulnerable side that I have fought so long to hide away from the rest of the world. I inhale his sweet scent and allow myself to drift away to some imaginary place where constant pain and fear doesn’t exist.
After a few minutes, I squirm out of Micah’s hold and take a step back. Now that the moment is over, embarrassment floods through me and I wish I could just be swept away by the wind. Not only did I cry in front of Micah, but I complained about how terrible my life is. He must think I am such a pain.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble, struggling to compose myself.Wiping my tears away, I feel silly for allowing all of my emotions to break free. Though, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it was nice to have someone make me feel like I was safe.
Micah stares back at me, unmoving. “You have nothing to apologize for, Stella,” he says. “How long have you been holding all of that in?” He’s not being sarcastic or rude-- the question feels genuine.
“A long time.” The words slip out and I instantly hate myself for being so honest. “Look, I appreciate your kindness, but what just happened there...”
“Why are you so damn stubborn?” Micah shouts.
His outburst causes me to flinch. Not because I am scared of him, but because of the emotion that was drawn out of him. Micah is elusive and gives off this vibe of being calm, cool, and collected. However, there is something deep inside of him that cares. That wants to be a better person.
I go to open my mouth, but for once in my life, I am speechless.
“I can help you,” Micah says so quietly, I barely hear him.
“I don’t need help,” I reply, just as quietly.
Before I know what is happening, Micah grabs my face and crashes his lips against mine. The kiss starts angry and feral, but soon moves to sensual and sweet as his body relaxes and his hands slide down to my waist. We deepen the kiss as my hands fall to his chest. My fingers trace the outline of his abs and I loathe myself for how easily it is to fall into him like this.
When we finally pull apart, our eyes lock and there is this undeniable attraction that keeps us drawn to one another.
“I’m sorry, but I had to kiss you. I needed to shut you up,” Micah says, and then I watch as his face squints and he shakes his head from frustration. ”Fuck, that’s not what I meant,” he roars out.
“What did you mean, Micah? This is all getting to be too much. You at the race, and now showing back up to my place twice. What do you want?” I ask, exhausted by this game we seem to be playing.
Micah runs a hand roughly through his hair and I watch in awe as the late evening sun begins to reflect off his light hair. “What I want is-- you,” Micah states with so much passion, I feel it all of the way down to my toes.“I’ve never felt like this before,” he rushes out, running a hair wildly through his hair. “For a moment, you gave in and let me take that pain away. Then, that storm inside of you rushed to the surface and you went all wild and crazy again,” he huffs, shaking his head.
His words strike me like a lightning bolt. Maybe I didn’t hear him correctly. Maybe he is confused about what he is saying. Guys like Micah don’t want girls like me.
“Micah, that kiss was—amazing—but this doesn’t make sense. We wouldn’t make sense,” I say, pointing between the two of us.
I’m arguing against the idea of us, but there is a part of my mind that is at war with myself. Would it be so terrible for Micah to fall for a girl from the wrong side of town? Would it be wrong for two people from two different worlds to fall for each other? I don’t have the answers, but this need that I have to hear Micah out is overtaking all of my senses.
A sly grin appears over his face though, and I am captivated once again by his good looks. “That kiss was pretty damn great,” he smirks. “Why do you care about what makes sense? Ever since I met you, I can’t get you out of my mind. Look, I’m not the type of guy who has ever really cared about other people. Before I met you, I wouldn’t have given anyone back their money. My family values money more than most things in life. I didn’t even hesitate to help you out, though. And then, I was worried about you. Me, a fucking mafia knights' heir, was worried sick about you. I don’t know what any of this means or what is going to happen, but all I do know is that I can’t get you out of my head and I can’t leave you alone,” he roars.
I’m lost as I struggle to comprehend his words. No one has ever been so honest with me before. Most guys intentions with me are to just sleep with me or beat me in races. No one has ever cared enough to help me out financially or to worry about my safety. There’s something about Micah wanting to be that person in my life that I find absolutely endearing. But I know not to get too attached to that feeling. Guys like Micah don’t stay. They don’t stick around after they make you fall in love with them. I refuse to end up like my mom; pregnant by a man who promised the world, but left once everything became too real.
“Micah, I know this is exciting, but we are so different,” I argue again.
Tears prick my eyes again, but this time it’s for an entirely different reason. I want to give in and be happy. I want to pretend like I live in a world where I can fall in love with Micah and that everything will work out for us. I could get lost in that fantasy and that is very dangerous for a girl like me.
Grabbing me by the shoulders, Micah forces me to look at him again. “Why are you fighting this so hard? Why can’t you just see where this goes? We both have a lot to lose if this ends up badly, but we also both have a lot to gain, too,” he tells me.
I go to open my mouth, but I quickly snap it shut.
I’m exhausted—both mentally and physically. I am so tired of fighting. For once, I just want to fall down the rabbit hole and get lost in the magic of love and safety and happiness.
Even if it won’t last forever.
“Ok,” I say, with a heavy sigh.
