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"Not my favorite, but I'll eat it."
"You're gonna eat carbs for me?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. I'll eat carbs for you. But if I hear any complaints about you being able to pinch more than an inch…"
"I'm not the one who cares about that."
"Which is why I love you." Gwen lifted a piece from the box and took a bite.
And as I took a bite of my own, I hoped she didn't notice that once again I didn't return the sentiment.
I'd get there someday, I promised myself.
That day was just not quite today.
"So how was your weekend?"Kate asked me after I put my duffel bag in the trunk and climbed in the company car she'd driven to the safe house Sunday evening. Dion had just taken Gwen back to the airport, so it was time for me to come back to reality again.
"It was fine," I said as Kate pulled onto the road.
Though honestly, I didn't know how to feel about the weekend with Gwen. Sure, the rest of the weekend went by more smoothly than the first hour, but it still wasn't as awesome as it should have been.
Something was missing in our relationship, and even though I kept trying to make everything work, we didn't have as big of a spark as we'd had during filming.
I also didn't love that Gwen was always so jealous. Yes, it was hard that we couldn't be together all the time. Couldn't go out in public. Couldn't even put our real names in our phones.
But I hated how threatened she felt when I had to spend time with another woman, like when I had to be with Kate because of work. I did understand some of it. Kate was beautiful and we did have a past. It was natural for some of our old chemistry to be visible to Gwen.
But nothing had happened in seven years. And nothing was going to happen now. I wasn’t a cheater. I wasn’t going to push the boundaries, and I was even planning to be more careful now after that brief moment in the garage.
But the extent that I still had to reassure Gwen every time I was around another woman was draining. I had foolishly thought that once I'd sent home the last girls fromFinding Your Soulmate,things would be better.
The day when our relationship went public couldn't come quickly enough. Maybe then she wouldn't be so insecure.
"I'm glad it was at least fine," Kate said, bringing me back to our conversation. "Gwen seems really, um…confident?"
And I had to laugh at that. "She certainly didn't give the best first impression, I'm afraid."
Kate scrunched up her nose. "Yeah, not so much. But I'm sure she'll grow on me."
"It does tend to happen."
Why couldn't things be this easy and effortless with Gwen?
What was it about Kate that put me immediately at ease? Was it just because we'd known each other for so many years? Since we were kids? I wanted things to be easy now.
