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James
Ireally want her.
As I pace in front of my sofa, I wonder how she can think to end all of this now- when she’s the one that fucking started it. I throw a fist into the air to accentuate my point, but really to make me feel like I’m doing something.
I’ve sent her flowers and tried calling her- but she just keeps avoiding me. What in the hell am I supposed to do with that?
I put my hands out in front of me with my palms up and shrug my shoulders. I just don't know what to do. Obviously I know I look silly talking and motioning to myself, but this is all her fault. She is literally making me crazy.
Crazy in love.
I feel lost without her, like a dog chasing my tail.
I start to sense anger rising up through me again as I recall her saying that she didn’t want anything to do with either one of us.
Well, what about my fucking pain? Or Mattheo's?
Sighing, I rub my face.
I shouldn't have thought that. But she started all of this by asking for a threesome.
And she shouldn't be fucking around with people's emotions like this. I get what she wants. But what about what I want, doesn't that concern her?
NO.
All or none.
MeandMattheo.
Or neither of us.
Whatever. I can't figure it out.
All I know is that I can't stop thinking of her. I can't stop falling deeper and deeper into love with her. And yet, she doesn't want just that.
She wants more.
I walk to my credenza and pour myself a double of scotch. Swallowing it all in one gulp, I decide to call her.
Again.
Rustling up all my nerves, with help from my shot of liquid courage, I dial her number. She answers on the third ring.
"Hello, James."
She sounds exhausted and depressed.
"Hi, Alexa. I'm sorry for all the flowers, especially if you feel I am pressuring you. It's not my intent."
I’m basically patronizing her.
"James, I don’t know what to do or say. You know from the last time we spoke that I am just as confused as you and possibly Mattheo," she trails off, leaving her words to hang in the air between us.
I clear my throat.
"Alexa, please just hear me out," I muster the strength to continue as I hear her sigh on the other end.
My heart sinks a little, but I decide to carry on.
