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“So the first woman you’ve ever felt some kind of… something for and you’re not going to see what could happen?”
Sunny wanted to roll his eyes, but he respected Cap too much for that. The man had found his happily ever after and so had Eagle. Did he think that was how it would go for all of them now?
“She’s a nice girl… woman. She’s my boss now. And I’m sure she wants a husband and a family someday.”
“So?”
“So, I’m not that guy, Cap.”
His captain was quiet for a few minutes before speaking again. “You know, Sunny, you’ve always been a puzzle to me. You’re an amazing soldier, and yet praise and awards make you downright skittish. It’s a damn good thing you’re internally motivated because I have no idea what makes you tick. You’re so driven, but I can’t tell by what.”
Sunny snorted. How could he explain it? He knew Cap didn’t have great family relationships either though, so maybe he would get it.
“My father hates me.”
“Oh?”
Sunny did roll his eyes this time. What? Was Cap turning into a fucking shrink? “Not just that we disagree about things. He hates me. He always has because I wasn’t as big or as fast as the other guys.”
Cap glanced sideways at him, and Sunny understood. To see him now, you’d never know that he’d been a scrawny teenager who preferred books and science lab to the typical redneck games.
“I was valedictorian of my graduating class. My father didn’t even come to the ceremony. And neither of my parents came when I graduated bootcamp or Ranger school later.”
Cap’s mouth dropped open. Good, maybe now he would understand. “I had a full ride to Georgia for pre-med, but I was so fucked up about it that I walked away and joined the army instead. Even that wasn’t good enough, though.”
Sunny stopped, suddenly choked by the memory of it.
“So you let go of everything you wanted to make him proud and even once you became a Ranger, he didn’t care?”
“Nope. Because I wasn’t a Navy Seal.” Sunny shuddered. “I just couldn’t do that. I hate water,” he said with a shudder.
“God Sunny, that sucks.”
He shrugged. There was nothing to say to that.
“Anyway, I just don’t think I’d be cut out for a relationship or a family. I had so much conflict all the time growing up that now it’s just easier to avoid it.”
Cap snorted. “So you thought going into the army to fight wars was the answer?”
“They’re not my fights. I just do the dirty work,” he said, his voice hollow.
“That’s one way to look at it. I know she’s only been here two days, but did you talk to Laura and clear the air, at least?”
“Yeah, we’re going to be friendly.”
“You’ve mentioned that already.”
Sunny scowled at Cap and wanted to say something else. Except that he had walked her to breakfast and taken her lunch. Both things could be misconstrued as him showing interest.
“I’m just being nice.”
“It would be fine if it was more than that, though.”
“Like I said, Cap. She’s a nice woman. She deserves the husband, kids, and white picket fence. I’m not that guy.”
He didn’t mention he would never choose to be a father since his own example had been such a shit show.
“Not everyone wants the same things, Sunny. Just keep that in mind.” After another minute, he continued. “And sometimes we don’t know what we want until we can’t have it anymore.”
