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NINETEEN
Sunny stabbed the pitchfork into the pile of hay, tossing it over his shoulder into the wheelbarrow. Sweat beaded on his forehead and poured into his eyes, but he relished the burn. It distracted him from the twisting in his stomach and the ache behind his ribs.
He just wanted to work without thinking. It was what he was good at.
He had a lot of ways he coped and dealt with life. Putting on personalities that weren’t him at all like a soldier, a Ranger, and rancher was how he’d stayed sane all this time. Now he was being confronted with the one thing he’d sworn never to be, a father. His own had been such shit at it that Sunny knew he had no chance of doing it right. Now more than ever. Ford’s face flashed in his mind, and he shook his head to get rid of the image.
Cap had pulled him aside the minute he’d arrived back at the ranch to talk him through the plan.
“Ford caught Quadri, and he’s agreed to stay on just to be safe while Eagle and I are gone.”
“Seriously? Doesn’t he have his own life to get back to?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to take that up with him.”
“I don’t give a fuck what he does,” Sunny pointed out.
“Sure you don’t. Either way, he’s staying in town until Eagle and I get back.”
“You’re still leaving?” Sunny demanded unsure how he felt about them putting a wedding before this mission.
Cap nodded. “We are. With Quadri in custody we aren’t expecting any trouble, but it’s just a precaution.”
“Against what?”
Cap shrugged. “In case Quadri was working with anyone. Plus, there’s still whoever has been asking about Laura.”
Rafe snorted before running a hand through his hair. “I don’t think I can stay here right now, Cap.”
His former commanding officer gave him a hard look and nodded. “Go do what you need to, but come back.”
“Cap, you don’t understand. Laura is pregnant, and she’s keeping the kid. Between that and Ford, I can’t be here.”
Cap’s eyebrows rose. “It’s not yours?”
“Of course, it’s mine,” he snapped, unable to contemplate the idea of Laura being with anyone besides him.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Fuck if I know.”
So now here he was trying to outwork his thoughts and failing totally. He didn’t want a wife and family. They would just be more people for him to disappoint.
At the end of the day, after a scalding shower where he had to force down thoughts of Laura in there with him, he lay down and tried to sleep, but his mind would not shut off. Instead, it showed him every moment with Laura up until now. The sweet ones, the hot ones, and even the hard ones. And then one popped up that hadn’t existed before, but he knew was possible now. Laura holding a baby. His baby. Smiling up at him.
Muttering curses under his breath he rolled over and punched the pillow. But it was with her smiling at him in his mind that he finally fell asleep.
* * *
Laura tooka fortifying breath and knocked on the door to Rafe’s room at the bunkhouse. When she didn’t hear anything, she knocked again. This time she heard the bed squeak and the thud of feet on the floor.
Even though she knew it was coming, his, “What the fuck do you want?” still hurt.
“I just came by to apologize.”
That seemed to take him aback for a moment, but he recovered. “For what?”
Laura snorted. “For getting pregnant.”
