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I’d been selfish.I’d been wanting something that might not be the best thing for my family.The family I loved more than my own life.My own career.
I bit my lower lip and nodded.“You’re right,” I told Keith.“But even without knowing what’s happening in there, I know one thing.”
He looked at me and I could see in his eyes, he knew what I was going to say and he didn’t want to hear it.But still, he listened as I said, “When all this is over, I’m taking my family home.”
~Lexi~
“This is going to be a bit cool.”The doctor squirted the ultrasound gel on my exposed stomach, but I didn’t even feel it.I was too focused on the ceiling above my stretcher.I traced the lines in the tiles, and blocked out the conversations of the nurses, the rhythmic beeping from somewhere behind my head, and the muffled noises beyond the curtain.
I closed my mind to all of it, focusing instead on talking to my guardian angel.Uncle Ray.After he died five years earlier, I liked to think of him as my angel, looking over me and guiding me through the hard times.It had been years since I’d actuallyspokento him in any capacity, but at that moment, lying there all alone, I needed him.And I somehow knew he’d be there.
Uncle Ray.If you’re listening.Please let my baby be okay.I bit my bottom lip to keep the tears back.I know I’ve asked before, but this time it’s different.I know this baby is supposed to be here, Uncle Ray.She’s going to complete our family.Please hold her hand.Tell her to hang in there and be strong.
Up until that moment, I hadn’t thought of the baby as either a boy or a girl, but suddenly I knew with certainty.
“Okay,” I heard the doctor say as he put the wand to my belly.“Let’s see what’s going on, shall we?”
I squeezed my eyes tighter and tried not to hold my breath.
Please, Uncle Ray.
“Okay,” Dr.Turner said.“There’s the head...”
Please.
“And the—wait.”
Please, let her be okay.Please.It has to—
“Lexi?”Jenni, the blonde nurse who stood by my head, squeezed my shoulder.“Lexi?”She said my name again.
I opened my eyes, and focused on her and the cartoon bunnies on her scrubs.“Yes.”I blinked hard.“Is she...is she okay?”
Jenni’s smile was bright.“She feels like a girl, does she?”
I nodded.Yes, she was definitely a girl.
“Mrs.Mendez.”Dr.Turner moved the wand around some more, occasionally stopping to push buttons on the keyboard.“Judging by the dates you gave, you estimate to be around thirteen weeks?”
“Yes.”
“And did you say that this is your first ultrasound?”
I nodded and then said again, “Yes.We were going to schedule one for when I got back to Canada.”
“Hmm...”
Hmm?What the hell did that mean?
I struggled to try to sit up but I couldn’t see the screen.Not that I would have been able to decipher anything anyway.I’d had enough ultrasounds to know they were almost impossible to read for the untrained eye.Still, I tried.
“Lexi.”Jenni’s hands were on my shoulders, pressing me gently back into the table.“You have to lie still so the doctor can do his job.We’re almost done.”
I did as I was told, but craned my neck around so I could see the nurse’s face.Tears slipped from my eyes, but I didn’t move to wipe them away.I wanted to ask again whether she was okay, but I bit my lip.I knew enough to know that if they weren’t telling me, there was nothing positive to say.
~Leo~
With the coffee Keith had brought me long gone, I’d taken to pacing the waiting room again, and had made another dozen laps when the same nurse, Connie, who’d come to talk to me before, appeared in the door again.
