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ChapterTwenty-Two
"How old is he?"Leo asked.His thumb slid over the photo absently.
"Five."
Leo looked away from the picture to meet my eyes."Five," he repeated.
I nodded.
"When's his birthday?"
"January 24," I said.
I couldn't look away as he lowered his gaze, concentrating.Fine lines appeared on his temple as he did the math in his head.I knew the exact moment he realized the truth.He shot straight up in his seat; his dark eyes shone and they burned a hole straight into my heart when he looked at me.
"Ben," Leo said."Ben is his name?"
"Yes."I squeezed my hands together under the table to keep them from shaking.
"You've always known."It wasn't a question.
"Not for sure, but...yes, I always knew," I admitted.
"Does he know?"With the emphasis on "he," I knew he was talking about Andrew, but couldn't bring himself to say the name.
"No."I could feel the sting of hot tears as they started to build.I blinked hard."Nobody knows.What was I going to say?"
Leo didn't answer; he just looked down at the picture again.A smile grew on his face, illuminating his features.The silence built, but still he didn't speak.
"Leo, I'm sorry.By the time I realized, it was too late.There was nothing I could do.My child needed a father and Andrew, well...I didn't know what to do."The tears that threatened spilled onto my cheeks."I was scared.And you didn't want me; you stood me up, left me waiting.I know I should have told you, found you somehow...but there didn't seem to be any point.There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you.Every time I look at Ben, I see you.I think about you and wonder..."
I couldn't finish.Instead, I gave myself over to sobbing.I couldn't look at him anymore.I closed my eyes and let myself cry.I didn't care who saw.I'd made such a mess of everything, it didn't matter anymore.
When I felt the heat of Leo's strong hands on my shoulder, and then his arms as they wrapped around me, I let myself fall into his embrace.He held me and rubbed my back but didn't say a word while I exhausted the pent-up emotion.When I'd pulled myself together enough to look up, he handed me a napkin and I wiped my eyes.Leo stood from his crouch and pulled his chair around the table so we were sitting side by side.
"I can't imagine how you must have felt," he said when I had regained my composure.
"You're not mad?"
"I'm feeling a lot of things right now."He scrubbed his hand over his face."But I don't think anger is one of them.I'm confused, though."
"Why?"
"You said I didn't want you."He took my hand and held it so gently I thought I might start crying again."Nothing could have been further from the truth, Lexi.I left you a message with my number but you never called."
"You didn't leave me a message."
"I did.With the same girl that you gave my phone to.I told...Dammit!"He dropped my hands and I had to stop myself from reaching for them."I'm so stupid," he said and pushed up from his chair."I left the note with Tamara," he said as he paced in front of the table."How could I be so dumb?Of course she wouldn't have given it to you.Oh, God, Lexi.I'm so sorry.I couldn't meet you that day.The chance of a lifetime came up with work.I had to take it...I thought you would understand...I...I should've turned it down."He stopped pacing and sank back into the chair, dropping his head into his hands.
"Leo."I reached out, touching his shoulder.He had wanted me.He'd tried.My stomach flipped and for a minute I was afraid I might be sick.It could have been different.
It should have been different.
As if he read my mind, Leo sat up and turned to me."This shouldn't be happening.This...us...it should have—"
"I know," I whispered."I know."
He pulled me into his arms and this time instead of letting him comfort me, his body shook with sobs of his own, our tears falling on each other's shoulders.
