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When I pulled back, seeing the tears in his eyes and on his cheeks created a physical ache in my chest for all he'd missed.
"I have a son," he said.
I didn't bother to wipe the tears that continued to stream down my cheeks."You have a son."
Leo
I have a son.
I couldn't stop saying the words over and over in my head and out loud.It was exhilarating, and unbelievable.A son.
Lexi's son.
Thinking about the time we'd lost was making me crazy.Things should have been different.I was so stupid to think that Tamara would help me.But I didn't know then how self-centered she could be.That wasn't until later, when she was my wife.
I couldn't change the past and get that time back."Tell me everything," I said to Lexi.I needed to focus on the future, on this child I didn't know yet.If I didn't, the regret and anger would consume me."Does he like sports?Is he smart?What's his favorite color?I want to know everything."
She laughed her sweet smile, but there was sadness in her eyes too."I'll tell you everything I can and I'll show you pictures, too."
"Do you have more with you?"I knew I sounded eager but dammit, I was.
She shook her head."No, not with me.This is just my evening bag.I didn't expect..."
"To tell me."I finished for her, and then asked, "Were you ever going to tell me about him, Lexi?"
It was the wrong question.Her smile faded and she looked as if she might cry again.For a split second, I wanted to take back the question.But I needed to know.I deserved to know.
"Were you?"I prodded.
She shook her head."I didn't think I'd ever see you again.I didn't see how.It's been almost six years and Andrew—"
"Don't say it."That man had my life, the woman I'd always loved and now, my son.I couldn't bear to hear her tell me that Andrew was Ben's father."For now," I said and held her hand, "just tell me everything you can about Ben.I want to know it all."
A tentative smile returned to her face and she said, "Where should I begin?"
For the next hour, Lexi told me what Ben was like as a baby.How he started walking at ten months and refused to nap after his first birthday.
I nodded and smiled.He sounded just like the stories Grandma used to tell about me as a toddler.Getting into everything, never sitting still.When Lexi started telling me about Ben in preschool, and in his junior soccer league, I couldn't relate.I didn't have either experience.
"Does he play baseball?"I asked, interrupting her story of Ben's first goal.
She turned her head and raised an eyebrow.
"I've never played soccer," I explained."To be honest, I've only ever watched a few games.Baseball was my sport.Has he tried it?"
"No.He's never tried it."
"We'll have to fix that," I said."Maybe I can teach him how to throw a ball."
After the words left my mouth, I could feel Lexi's hand tense.It was the question we'd both been avoiding.What would happen now?What part would I have in Ben's life?In Lexi's?
We sat in silence for a moment until she let go of my hand to take a sip of her water; the wine had been abandoned long ago.The unanswered questions burned in my mind.
A waiter walked by with a platter of steaming food.The aroma of rich cream sauces mingled with roasted garlic floated through the air and my stomach growled.
"You're hungry," Lexi said.She looked relieved for a distraction.
"I didn't get a chance to eat earlier.It's been a crazy weekend.Should we order?"
