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“What is your relationship with Lord Rathbourne?” He hated how suspicious she was of him, as if he were the gambler and drunk he portrayed. Buried deep, he had nurtured the hope that Perdita wouldn’t believe the rumors. That she would know he was better than his father.
“I’ve been working for over two years on his predecessor’s request, investigating indebted peers who are selling secrets to Haversham. I’ve been posing as a drunk and a gambler to gather information to entrap Haversham.”
Her wide eyes registered the shock, and her lips pursed in concentration. He smiled at the image of her mind whizzing like an automaton as she tried to make sense of the revelation.
“Yardley was our main focus at the beginning.” When Dash was recruited, he was tasked with detecting Haversham’s methods of targeting peers and how deep his network was.
“So, we were right.” She grinned, lighting up the room with her glee. “Yardley is a traitor?”
“Yes. In his position on the military committee, Yardley is privy to all the country’s planned expenditures, including the military budget and the intelligence budget. After hours of examining every one of Yardley’s movements, we finally figured out how he passed the information. Yardley goes to the docks with his man of business each month to oversee the shipments from his holdings in the colonies. He leaves coded documents in the office to be picked up at a later date by Haversham’s men.”
“So why is Yardley still free? Why isn’t he in prison?” Her forehead was crinkled in concentration.
He had to stop himself from kissing away her concerns. “We monitor what documents Yardley has access to and then we alter them and feed Yardley disinformation.”
“That is brilliant.” She clasped her hands together. “Yardley goes his merry way, thinking he is paying off his debts to Haversham, but he is paying with lies from us. And Haversham gives the French wrong information. It must be very difficult to decide on the information you share to keep the French from not becoming suspicious.”
He had imagined this moment so many times when he came to her to finally tell her that he wasn’t the man he presented himself to be. But never had he envisioned Perdita’s excitement for the spy game or her immediate grasp of the difficulty of managing the intelligence to be fed to the French. Dash excelled at the logistical challenge with a range of variabilities to predict the most likely outcomes. He waged a silent battle against worthy foes. Brilliant Talleyrand and Fouche had been at the game a lot longer than Dash, which made his work all more demanding and intriguing.
“Dash, you’ve been doing honorable work all this time when I thought the worst of you. You allowed society to think it too.”
The tenderness in the way she looked at him and the change in her voice was his undoing. Emotions clogged his throat, making it hard to speak. “It is an incredible relief to finally share that my life has been a lie.”
“You aren’t addicted to gambling?” She focused on his face. “You don’t spend your nights in brothels? That woman I saw you with at Haversham’s?”
“She is an informant who works for me. Nothing else ever happened between us.”
“You were very convincing.” The tenderness in her voice vanished. “And all the other women? Lady Marrowstone? Lady Wigley?”
He never blushed, but he felt heat rising to his face. How to account to Perdita of his destructive binge of sex and alcohol when he thought she was lost to him. “It was not well done of me. When I thought there was no hope between us, I went a little crazy. It didn’t last long, and I regret every minute that I wasted trying to forget you, forget the future we planned.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have kept your work a secret.”
“Darling, can you please come and sit on the settee? This position is not conducive to what I have to say.” And he needed access to kiss and touch her.
He offered his hand to help her rise. She placed her delicate hand in his. The frisson of her touch heated his blood and hardened his body instantaneously.
Distracted by her thoughts, she didn’t show any awareness of his blistering need as she stood and reseated herself at one end of the settee. She didn’t react when he sat close, with his hip and leg touching hers. “It is difficult to accept after the years of believing that you were going down the wrong path.”
“After my father died, I was flailing because I had lost you and the future that I thought was mine. Sir Ramsey, the previous head of intelligence, approached me when I was regaining my fortune back at Haversham’s. And instead of taking my gains and becoming a stodgy earl, I’ve allowed everyone to believe I’m a degenerate. But no longer. I’ve wanted to come to you so often, but my role required utter secrecy. And still requires it.”
Dash had prepared this speech since Ramsey had asked him to work for him. Wanting her to see him as noble and self-sacrificing for the wellbeing of his country, he suddenly felt unsure. He had caused pain and mistrust between them that would take time to heal. Now with Roddy missing, she had to understand and accept the past belonged in the past because there was a chance that she was alone without anyone to protect her.
“Because I can go no longer without you in my life.” Forget all his noble posturing. This was Perdita. “I’ve regretted the day I walked away from you… from us.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm.
“Why would Lord Rathbourne allow you to share your role with me now?” Her face flushed as she chewed on her lower lip. Perdita wouldn’t be deterred without answers.
“I told Lord Rathbourne that I planned to marry you, and I couldn’t begin our marriage with a lie.”
Dash couldn’t stop touching her when she didn’t offer any resistance. He explored the tender skin under the cap sleeve of her dress. Her breath hitched and her skin heated. The memory of how responsive she had been to his touch fueled his growing hunger. “You understand the sensitivity of the work with your information gathering. Speaking of sensitivity…” He used his finger to trace her beating pulse on her graceful neck before he lowered and used his tongue, watching as her pulse sped and color covered her cheeks.
“Secondly, you deserve information about the reason for Roddy’s disappearance since Haversham and Yardley are involved.” He leaned close and whispered into her ear, surprised at how his voice came out more like a growl.
“This is all hard to grasp.” Her voice was husky and breathless. And he ignored the need to joke about how he wanted her to grasp something harder.
He took her face between his hands and stared into her eyes. Wanting to feel the soulful connection that he hungered for. “And thirdly, because I want to marry you. I can’t go on in this world without you by my side. I don’t want long nights alone. I never want to go to bed without you. I want to be the man who you tangle with in silky sheets. I want to be the man whose name you call out in surrender. Marry me, my darling. I love you and always will, always have. Let me be the center of your life. I promise to make you the center of mine. I will always be true and work never to disappoint you.”
Tears welled in her eyes. She touched his face with gentleness, her eyes filled with love. “Dash, I feel like I’m in a dream. It is more fantastical than I could have ever imagined. I did imagine many scenarios when you came back and begged my forgiveness.”
