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I glance over my shoulder. Ma wipes tears from her eyes as the darkness of their bedroom swallows her up and the door slams shut.
I don’t know what’s going on. I just know it’s nothing good. One day, when I’m able, I will protect her. I will bust open that door and fight the monster who did that to her.
Pa.
It takes me a moment to separate myself from the past memory. For so long I’ve pretended it didn’t exist, like much of my childhood except for the good times.
Falynn’s bruised wrist has triggered me. It’s as though I’m a boy again, unsettled and disturbed by the woman I love being hurt and in pain.
Except instead of my father as the brute, it’s me.
I’m the brute. The monster.
I hurt Falynn. I’ve allowed my power to blind me, to the point I couldn’t even see what’s right in front of me—my wife trembling in tears, so desperate to escape me and my control, she saw no other option but to run away from me and hide out in some secluded village for weeks on end.
She’s so afraid of me, she won’t even look at me. She didn’t even fight as I took what I wanted and used her to make myself feel better. I’ve broken her for no other reason than I could.
The devastation is immediate, leaving me in a speechless daze. I fall back and swallow against the thick feeling in my throat. I’ve slaughtered men for fun and even disfigured my own twin brother in the bloodiest, most gruesome ways.
But nothing compares to this; the repulsion that slithers inside of me and makes me sick to my stomach. That makes me want to tear myself from my skin.
What the fuck have I done? How could I go so far?
I scrub a hand over my face, my heart racing. There’s no fixing this; there’s no way I can pretend I can make it up to her. No amount of grand gestures, sweet words, or kingly power that can change what’s happened.
It’s over. I’ve destroyed the love we have.
When I reach over to help her up, she flinches at my touch, as if I couldn’t feel like any more of a piece of shit.
“I’m…I’m sorry,” I finally choke out. “Honey, I’m sorry. I hurt you…so many times.”
She says nothing. The weight of her silence powerful. I can’t stand it.
“You need to go. Get out of here before I do any more damage.”
Her once warm brown eyes are dull and sad as she slides off the bed and gathers her clothes. Once she’s dressed herself, she grasps her bruised wrist with her opposite hand and cautiously pads over to the door. By how slowly she moves, she must think it’s a trap.
“I’ll have Carlotta come back,” I say without turning around. I can’t bear looking at her anymore. I don’t deserve to even be in the same room. “She can take you where you want to go. Use whatever you want from the bank account I set up for you. It’s yours. All of it. I won’t come anywhere near you. You have my word.”
She lingers a second longer by the door and then she does what I say. She leaves. The door snicks shut behind her.
Goodbye, Honey.
