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“What’s going on? Are you proposing to Hope and you want some advice?” Walker asked.
He walked over to his liquor cabinet and poured a hefty amount of Scotch into two glasses and walked over to me.
“I never thought about proposing,” I said more to myself.
“Really? I was sure you had it all planned after the first date and when JD and I teased you about it at dinner atBennett’s. If that’s not why you came by, why did you? What’s going on?” he asked again.
“I’m thinking of moving to Berlin for a year. If I do, how much will that mess you and the company up?”
“Do you need to get away? I think you can still be extradited from Germany. What did you do?” he asked as he handed me the glass and sat down on the couch.
“I haven’t done anything, yet. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Hope has been offered a fellowship to write her novel in Berlin and I’m thinking of going with her. We’d be gone for a year so I would need to take a leave of absence. I want to know how much of a problem that’s going to be for the company?”
Walker leaned back and took a sip of his drink. He didn’t say anything for a minute, and I could almost see his mind working as he took in the information.
“I was wondering when you were going to run away from home, or what would make you. I never thought it would be because of a woman.”
“Run away from home? I’m not running away.”
“You’re leaving us and yeah, we’ll be fine by the way. Mom will freak out that you’re leaving right after she got us all in the same city, but she’ll get over it. Especially once she figures out why you’re going. I take it that things are going well with you and Hope?”
“They are amazing. Every day is better than the last.”
“Have you told her you love her?”
“Not yet, but I might when I tell her that I’m going to Berlin with her.”
“That should be an interesting discussion,” Walker said.
In the past, I would have thought he was being abrasive with me and trying to get a rise out of me. But I was slowly learning that Walker just looked at the world and most situations differently than I did. Hence, why he thought it would be an interesting discussion.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked and took a sip of my drink.
“I know you’ve been in love with the woman for years, enough that you would upend your life just so you didn’t have to be away from her for any length of time. She might not be feeling the same intensity you are. My suggestion is to just take it slow, ease into it.”
“Sound advice. I’ll remember that when I talk to her,” I said as I stood up.
“You’re going now?” Walker asked.
“What better time than now.”
“All right,” Walker said slowly and finished the last of his Scotch. “Good luck. Let me know how it goes.”
“I will. Are you sure you’re going to be okay with me going?”
“You aren’t leaving tomorrow and there’s a lot that will need to be worked out, but yes, we will make it work. It will be hard, but we will survive without you here,” he said and put his hand on his chest.
I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or he was hiding behind his sarcasm to show that he didn’t want me to leave. Whatever it was, that was a discussion for another time. All I could think about was seeing Hope and telling her about the great future we were going to have together.
Chapter 26
Hope
It had been three days since I had found out about the fellowship, and I still couldn’t truly commit one way or the other. As much as I wanted to go, as much as I knew it was a great opportunity, I just couldn’t get myself to call Dr. Holmstrom and tell her that I was going to accept. My parents thought it was wonderful and my mom was already planning on when she and my dad would come out to visit me. She was coordinating with Faith so that she could come out before she was too far along to travel.
Even my former classmates couldn’t believe how lucky I was to get this opportunity and some even flat out said they were jealous. It helped to make me more excited and determined that I should go. But the minute I was alone, I would have doubts and second guess it all.
It would be easy to say the reasons for my doubts were because of Mac. That I didn’t want to go simply because he and I had just started something, and it was too wonderful to think about leaving and possibly ending the best relationship I had ever had. It wasn’t just him. The thought of leaving New York, my family, the only home I had ever really known scared me more than anything else. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to Berlin or that I didn’t want to write the book. I just wasn’t sure if this way was the best way.
