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“You think? I knew the broad strokes of everything, but he filled me in on the particulars,” JD said as he reached for my glass.
I started to stop him, but he just took my glass away from my hand and filled it up.
“You’re here to drink and talk. So, talk, I’ll fill, your drink,” JD said to me.
There was logic in his comment so with a shrug I took the glass from him and leaned back in my chair.
“I went over to Hope’s place. I had such good intentions. I had it all planned out in my mind how she would take it. How happy she would be. It was going to be perfect.”
“But it wasn’t. She didn’t. What did she say when you told her your decision?” Walker asked.
“She didn’t even know if she wanted to go and if she did, she certainly wasn’t taking me along.”
“Ouch,” JD said and took a sip of his drink.
“That’s blunt,” Walker added and looked at his drink.
“It was too soon. I pushed her too hard. She wasn’t ready for the commitment I wanted to give her.”
“Are you sure?” JD asked.
“Am I sure? She kicked me out of her house. She told me she hadn’t decided what she wanted to do, and whatever it was needed to be her decision, not mine. And if she did go, she needed to go alone and not have some lovesick boy following her. She said that things had been going great with us but maybe it was all too much. She said we were thinking this might be more than it really was and then she kicked me out of her apartment.”
“I can’t see Hope kicking you out of her place. She was upset. She was taken aback by everything. What did she mean by not doing the fellowship?” Walker asked.
“She didn’t say. I would think she would jump at the chance to go and write where she wants her book to be. She would have incredible guidance and resources there. It’s a wonderful opportunity for her and I hope she takes it. I just have to be okay with the fact that I won’t be going with her,” I muttered and downed the rest of my drink.
“There’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting to do things on her own. She’s been living in New York City her entire life, maybe she wants to branch out on her own. Maybe she wants to see how she can do things when it’s just her. She needs some space, so give it to her. I’m sure she didn’t actually break up with you, she’s upset. If anyone can make it work with a woman who lives in a different country it’s you,” JD said.
“What makes you think I can do that when I can’t make it work when we are in the same city?”
“Because you’ve never backed down from anything in your life or let anything that you wanted slip through your fingers. You want to be with Hope more than anything in the world,” Walker said.
“There is that,” I said and lifted my glass in a mock toast.
“You haven’t lost her. You two had a fight. People fight, but that’s how you grow as a couple. Sometimes you need to in order to get to the root of the problem.”
“Are you saying the root of Hope and my problem is that I want to spend time with her?” I asked.
“Not that, maybe that you took things too fast. I’m sure it didn’t feel that way for you, but it might for her. Come on, you two just started dating, what, less than four months ago?” JD asked.
“More like two, but it felt longer. It felt right, it felt perfect. As did going to Berlin with her,” I said.
“For you it did, but maybe it wasn’t for her. You might have been in love with her for years and you want to start your future together immediately. Maybe she needs a minute to get used to the idea that you are in love with her.”
“I didn’t tell her I was in love with her,” I admitted.
“You told her you wanted to go away with her, uproot your life for her and you didn’t tell her the main reason why?” Walker asked, flabbergasted.
“Do you think that would have helped considering the current situation?” I asked.
I reached across and filled my brother’s glasses. They eyed me as I gave them both a generous pour.
“What? If I have to talk and get drunk the least you two can do is get drunk with me,” I said.
JD looked at Walker and they both nodded. “To getting drunk together,” Walker said and lifted his glass.
JD and I did the same and I smiled. A warm feeling spread through my body, and I was sure it had nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with the two men who were sitting with me. I had always been there for them whenever they needed anything. I was the big brother, that was my job, but I had never asked or wanted to lean on them before, until now.
