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Her mum’s arms, always so strong, trembled as they tightened around her.
Polly got up. “I’ll go and close the front door. Leave you two to talk.”
Once they were alone, Alice sank down on a chair and flung her bag onto the table.
“I’ve been phoning all day,” she said, trying to keep her voice calm. “Why didn’t you answer?”
“I was on the plane, sweetie.”
“What about in Singapore? You could at least have messaged to tell me you were on your way home.”
“My battery ran out.”
“You were avoiding me, Mum.”
Rowena had the grace to cringe a little. “I’m sorry, darling. Cup of tea?”
“No, Mum. I want you to tell me about my father. Everything. No excuses. No more lies.”
“Goodness, sweetie, I’ve never heard you be so… assertive.”
Alice’s eyebrows shot up. “Demanding,you mean?”
Rowena looked perplexed.
“You wrote that you’d probably have told me a long time ago if I’d only been ‘more demanding’. Remember?” Alice said flatly. Rowena didn’t get how her breezy approach to life could hurt people. Honestly, it was a wonder their relationship hadn’t come to grief years ago except, of course, Alice had never chosen to rock the boat. Right now she was prepared to sink it to get to the truth.
Rowena was flapping around, refilling the kettle, pulling out teabags and another cup from the cupboard.
“Mum, stop. Sit down. Talk to me. How did you and Henry meet?”
Rowena let out a gusty sigh. Slumping down at the table, she pulled a tortoiseshell comb out of her hair and dug it in higher up her head. “You’ve read everything I sent you?”
“About a dozen times. And searched him on the internet. But that tells me nothing aboutyouand Henry. There are gaping holes you need to fill in here.”
Rowena picked up her teacup and rolled it around in her hands. They shared the same hands. Pointy fingertips, small neat nails all with half-moons. Otherwise, like always, it was hard to see the resemblances between them. Now at least, Alice knew where her looks came from.
“We met soon after I got to Cambridge for my post-grad year. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight. To be honest, I thought Henry was a bit scrawny.” Rowena laughed. Alice didn’t join in; as far as she was concerned, Henry looked perfect. “Anyway, it took us a little while, but we became friends. I thought him a snob initially with his super posh voice, but the poor darling was just shy. I think he found this loud Australian woman rather overwhelming, then intriguing. But, oh… when I got to know Henry he was so eloquent, so quirky and funny. God, we laughed!” Rowena’s eyes shone at the memories. “And no-one knew more about nineteenth century English novelists than Henry. We’d run poetry readings. Keats, and Byron, and twentieth century greats like Sylvia Plath. I guess you’d say I became his muse. Before long I was head over heels in love with him. Not just his mind but all of him. Loving Henry consumed my life.”
Alice’s heart lurched. She knew exactly how that felt.
Rowena grimaced. “You know me, darling. Never one to hold back. I informed him I’d fallen for him—I had to; it was eating me up. When Henry told me he thought he was probably gay, I was utterly devastated. But I accepted it. What else could I do?”
For the first time since the Henry-package had landed in her hands, Alice felt a surge of sympathy for Rowena. “I don’t get it. Henry being gay… how on earth did I happen?”
“Things aren’t always black and white, sweetie… particularly where sex is concerned…” Rowena nipped at her lower lip, her cheeks even rosier than usual. “It was at a May ball that you happened. Do you know what a May ball is?”
Alice shook her head
“Every year after exams, Cambridge and Oxford hold balls, sort of like formals, only better. Each college has one. Everyone dresses up to the nines. It’s all there. Live bands. Champagne, feasting all night. The fact they happen in June is neither here nor there…”
Rowena was stalling, Alice could tell. “Go on,” she prompted, impatience building.
Rowena huffed out another sigh. “Henry invited me as his partner. We got pretty sozzled. And I dared him to test his hypothesis. So we kind of, well, did it, in a meadow on the banks of the River Cam as the sun rose. I remember the grass was very itchy. And…” Rowena stopped, took a noisy slurp of tea. “I was so impetuous and silly. Contraception didn’t occur to me for a second. I guess I hoped, you know, that I’d be the one to change his mind. But for Henry it confirmed that women were not where his passions lay. I never let on how hurt I was. Soon after, he came out to his parents. It was a huge shock to them—such conservative people, very prominent in society. The Beacham-Browns wereHonourables, which is just off from being a viscount or some such.” Rowena clunked her cup down in her saucer, filled it from the teapot again. “To say Henry’s father didn’t take kindly to the news was an understatement. He disowned him. It was horrible for Henry.Horrible.So when I found out I was pregnant, I decided not to tell Henry. He was going through too much already.”
“Why didn’t you get rid of me then?”
Rowena looked aghast. “My precious baby girl. It never even crossed my mind. My post-grad year had finished about the time I found out, so I fled back to Perth. Henry wrote to me, but after a few months I told him I had to sever all contact because I was still in love with him. It was the truth, but equally I couldn’t tell him about you. It would have complicated everything. Then your nanna was diagnosed with cancer. I had to focus on helping her and Pops; keeping all our heads above water.”
