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As if though my body senses his proximity, it comes aflame on its own, desire building like an inferno out of control, and only that man inside can put it out. Now that I’m here, there’s no turning back.
Oh, I know this is a terrible idea. I am playing with fire. Still I don’t falter, so determined am I to ease this ache.
I knock on his door and he answers it almost immediately. But where I feel that all-consuming need to throw myself on him and feel his heat again, he simply stands there, a look of indifference on his face.
“Hi,” I say, biting my lower lip. “Can I come in?”
He walks away, leaving me there to stare after him. Taking that as an invitation, I step inside and close the door softly behind me.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, sitting down on his brown couch. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.”
Looking around, I can’t believe it’s been months since I’ve been here. Everything is exactly as I remember.
When I look to him, he’s watching me intently.
“I was driving, and next thing I knew I was here,” I say.
He looks slightly incredulous. “What does that mean? Are you here to stay?”
I shake my head and whisper with uncertainty, “I don’t know.”
“You should leave, then,” he says, his voice strained.
“I don’t want to.”
The thought of leaving is too much. I can’t. It has been too long since I’ve touched him, and I ache from it.
Swallowing nervously, I do what I came here to do. Shaking hands lift my cotton shirt over my head, and pull down my shorts until they fall in a puddle at my feet.
His breath catches as his eyes remain glued to my hands, following them as they unsnap my bra, and it too falls to the floor. He shifts in his seat when I take my panties off, his gaze focused on the dark triangle there.
I can feel myself panting, trembling, even as I gather every bit of courage I can muster and take that first step forward. Then another and another until I am standing naked as the day I was born between his legs.
And dammit if he still doesn’t say a word, but he doesn’t look away either. If anything, he’s breathing as hard as I am, his hands twitching as he fights to keep them resting at his side.
When I climb on him, he leans back to accommodate me, still not touching.
“Bo,” I whisper, caressing his stubbled cheeks with the backs of my hands. “I need you. God knows I should stay away. I want to be stronger, but I’m just not.”
I lean down to kiss him, his forehead, his cheeks and nose. All the while he remains unmoving. Even as I kiss his lips, and bring my breasts that I know he loves so much to his face, rub my core against him and moan, he does nothing. My boobs are just there, rubbing his cheeks, swinging in front of him, but he makes absolutely no effort to touch them. He’s just sitting there limply, unfeeling, while I am here, completely exposed in more way than one. Utterly vulnerable.
For a horrifying moment, I realize the huge mistake that I’ve made. Suddenly I feel blood rush to my skin as I flush all over in embarrassment.
So, I stop.
When I look down into his eyes all I see is anger and pain. It serves as confirmation that my attentions right now are not wanted.
There is a very distinct sting that comes with any kind of rejection, but when it’s from someone you love, it’s all the more humiliating.
Swallowing the thick knot burning in my throat, I nod to let him know I get it. This is a bad situation at the least. Awkwardly, I make to get off him.
“Fuck!” I hear a moment before I can’t move because his hands are vices around my arms, and his lips are a white-hot press against my neck.
I moan loudly because it hurts in that way something can when it touches your soul.
He pulls away from me just long enough to see that he’s been as tormented by the distance between us as I have been. Unable to stand anymore of it, I bend down and kiss him, taking everything I can because I know I shouldn’t allow myself this sin ever again.
And he responds with the same wild abandon, his hands rough as they pull my hair, forcing my head back to expose my throat. He nips at the soft skin, grazing me with his teeth in that way that drives me insane.
