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CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Harlow
Nico goes, leaving a heavy silence in the room. We all know more is going on there, but we have no clue what it is. He seemed so defeated, and all I want to do is help him. But how do you help someone who continually pushes you away? How has my life become so overwhelming these last few weeks?
Before, it was simple. Work, bar, train, study. No feelings to worry about, no unexpected changes. Now, something new seems to pop up every day. First, we have the huge leap to take a chance with Ezra, the ups and downs of telling Sawyer how I feel and now knowing he’s not exclusive, and then Nico inserting himself further into my life while holding back more than ever. For a heartless commitment-phobe, this is enough to send me to bed. So that’s what I do. With a murmured excuse to the guys, I retreat to my room to curl up and try to relieve my headache. An hour later, I’m still stewing.
There’s a light knock, and Sawyer pokes his head around the door. Despite my mood, the corners of my lips turn up. I will always be happy to see Sawyer. He sits in front of me on the bed before twisting to face me. “You wanna explain what’s going on?” he asks.
“Which part?”
“Our part,” he says, brushing some hair away from my face. “That will always be the most important part to me, that we’re okay.”
“We are okay,” I whisper.
“But you’re overwhelmed and would rather have space than let me help because you’re mad at me, and I don’t know why. Did I do something wrong? Did I make a mistake telling you how I feel? This is what I wanted to avoid. I want you to always be able to come to me.”
He looks so lost that it makes me want to be brave, but not right now. I’m not ready yet. I want to pretend everything is fine for just a little longer, in case he can’t commit to being with only me. I’ve only just got this, I’m not ready to give it up yet.
“Can we not fix the world right now?” I say. “Can we just leave that for a little bit?” He searches my eyes for a minute, and clearly decides I’m not falling off the edge just yet, because he smiles, albeit sadly.
“Whatever you want, Angel. And as much as I’d like to keep you here for myself, I think Ezra is waiting to talk to you too.”
I groan and flop back on the bed. “Does he hate me for keeping this from him?”
“Why are you always so hard on yourself? He adores you.”
“Okay,” I say, sitting up and rolling my shoulders. “I’m ready.” He leans forward and kisses me softly again.
“You’re not going to war. Relax.”
“It’s scarier, right?” I say to him. “When it’s not just sex? When there’s feelings involved?” It’s not just me who has a freak-out over every feeling, right?
“Yeah, it is. But it’s also so much better. Just let your walls down for a little bit. It’s worth it.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” Then he stands up and leaves, and Ezra takes his place almost immediately.
“Hey,” he says softly, and I smile back.
“Hey. I’m—”
“Do not say you’re sorry. You were right. You don’t owe me your secrets so soon after we’ve just met and started dating. But I hope you would have told me eventually.”
“I get why you freaked,” I concede. “This is going to be interesting, huh?”
“Interestingis one word for it. But if we’re going to do this, then there’s no one else I’d rather figure it out with.”
“I’m going to make mistakes,” I say to him. “I’m going to freak out and not know what to do, but I’m also going to be sorry when it happens.”
“And I’ll be here the whole way through,” he reassures me.
“Yeah? Because you’re the one who convinced me to give feelings a go. I’m blaming you if all this goes wrong.” He laughs.
“Shoot your shot,” he says with a grin.
***
