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She hated being used as a bargaining chip.
“Lady Victoria?”
Victoria glanced back. Abigail was approaching her, holding onto her bonnet as she tried to stop the wind from taking it away. Victoria straightened up.
“Is there something you wanted, Abigail?”
“Lady Selkirk said that she was expecting guests and that I should get you ready. I couldn’t find you until Chambers said you came out here.” Abigail joined her at the fence. “I know you don’t want to do this, but it’s best to keep on your mother’s good side for now. Just a few more weeks, and then you won’t have to do what she says anymore.”
“I know.” Victoria turned away. “I just wish I could get away now. I don’t want any of this, Abby.”
Abigail sighed.
“I wish I knew what I could do to help.”
“Why are you so concerned about wanting to help me?”
“Because I know how upset you are about this, and I want to do something to make you feel better.” Abigail eased her hand away from her white cloth bonnet, only to clamp it back down as it threatened to take flight. “I’ve been your maid for a long time, and I’ve seen how painful this is for you. It pains me to see you in such a way.”
Victoria wanted to cry at that. Abigail had always been so kind to her, even when Victoria was upset and lashing out at her because there was no one else. Abigail didn’t judge her for anything.
She looked at her hands gripping onto the fence.
“I just wish I didn’t feel so helpless. I’ve been in deep water for so long that I’ve had to learn how to swim on my own. And it hasn’t been pretty.”
“What’s brought all this on? Did something happen in town?”
Victoria told her about the incident. She even included the interaction with the strange American gentleman. Abigail looked bemused the more her mistress talked. She whistled when Victoria finished.
“Well, that’s one way to introduce yourself to someone.”
“I felt like I had no idea how to talk to him without sounding rude myself. And then it didn’t help when he was rather uncouth towards me.”
“Sounds like a match made in heaven.”
“That’s not amusing, Abigail.”
“My apologies.” Abigail regarded her thoughtfully. “You think if you had been able to have a proper Season, you might have handled it better, don’t you?”
Victoria stared at her.
“How did…?”
“Like I said, I’ve been around you for a long time. I understand you.”
Victoria thought about denying it, but she knew Abigail wouldn’t see it like that. She sighed and pushed off the fence.
“I suppose being a recluse and not entering into society as I should has shown that I’m not as strong as I thought I was. Even when I’m with my friends, I struggle to interact with them properly. Maybe, if I’d come out properly and I’d spent at least one Season with people of similar titles, then I might understand how to behave a little more.”
She shook her head. “But I’m too old to come out now, and this…this situation with my brother’s death hanging over us, it’s going to be practically impossible. So, I guess this is my only way out of the house.”
“You’re accepting the wedding now?”
“I’m not accepting of it. I just…wish things could have been better.”
Then maybe I might have been able to meet a man like the American gentleman. Uncouth as he may be, he made me want to ask him to stay.
It’s too late now. I’m just going to have to accept it, even if I hate it.
“Let’s go inside, my lady. It’s getting rather chilly out here now.” Abigail gestured towards the house. “Lady Selkirk’s guests are going to be here soon.”
Victoria really didn’t want to talk to anyone, and she certainly didn’t want to deal with that debacle that would be her mother’s tea party. But she couldn’t hide forever. Sighing, she moved away from the fence.
“All right. Let’s go. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can do what I want with myself.”
Because she didn’t know when she was going to do it once she was a married woman.
