AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Thank you, Mary-Anne. Thank you for…everything,” she managed in reply. “I left my address written on a scrap of paper—you may write to me there.”
Mary-Anne pulled her into a tight, friendly hug. Alicia hugged her back stiffly, but her blood froze when she heard what the other woman said softly in her ear.
“I’m very sorry about you and Laurence. I know it is so terribly hard to have to lose someone you have developed such feelings for, especially as you two seem so well matched in so many ways.”
Alicia sniffed, feeling her breath catch in her throat.Don’t cry, she cursed herself again.You’ll only hurt Laurence if you cry.
They pulled apart, Mary-Anne still holding Alicia by the hands. Still, in a quiet voice, she said, “For whatever little it’s worth, it would be so nice if we lived in a world in which we could live according to our own wants and feelings. I, for one, would surely have liked it if you and I could have been sisters-in-law.”
Alicia’s lip quivered at these words, but clenched her fingers into fists and gave only a curt nod in response.
This must be what she was talking about that night,Alicia realized with grim apprehension.What was it she said? That it would be ‘cruel’ when this all ended?She sniffed, feeling her stomach twist into a knot.She is certainly an intelligent woman. Would that her insight provided any comfort now.
All the composure Alicia had mustered to keep herself from flying apart vanished at once when she turned from Mary-Anne to see Laurence standing in front of her. He was dressed more formally than she had seen him before, in a smart if threadbare brown suit and stiff-collared shirt of the sort men in London wore. His posture was rigid and uncomfortable, and his hands worried an old cap in front of him. Alicia had the thought she would laugh at how silly and unlike himself Laurence looked if she were not so full of misery.
The second her eyes landed on his she could not restrain a whimper from escaping her throat, her eyes beginning to well up with tears. But seeing this despair reflected back at her on Laurence’s face, and seeing him give the subtlest shake of his head, she firmed her resolve and mentally put on the mask she wore to hide her emotions in everyday London society, the one she did not even realize she used until coming here, where it was no longer necessary.
“Thank you for your hospitality, Mister Gillingham,” said Alicia with only a slight quaver to her voice. “I am in your debt for your assistance for the last several days.” She dipped into a curtsy that felt at once familiar and distasteful to her, turning her eyes to the ground to avoid having to look up at Laurence and risk dissolving into tears.
“It has been my…ourpleasure, Miss Ramsbury,” he replied coldly.
“If there should ever be any way in which my family can be of help to you and yours, I hope you shall…write, or…or if you should happen to be in London for…”
Alicia stopped, grief leaving her completely paralyzed.I can’t do this,she thought, looking up at Laurence’s handsome face once more.I don’t want to leave. Why should I have to give up this wonderful thing I have found here for the sake of my sister?
At her distress she saw Laurence’s stance shift, as though he were about to reach forward to hold her, to kiss her and never let her go…but then he shot a glance toward Mary-Anne, and with a grave expression he straightened once more, giving her nothing more than a curt nod.
“It’ll be all day until we get back to London, Miss Alicia,” called Herbert from the seat of the carriage, his voice ringing with fear. “If we don’t leave now we’ll have to hurry, and I’m not much inclined to do that considering what happened last time!”
Alicia looked to Laurence in panic, her body shot through with apprehension.No,she thought desperately.Not yet. Please, don’t let this end.
But with the sickened smile of a man who had just pulled an arrow from his shoulder, Laurence looked away from her and called to Herbert, “Thank you, Mister Place. Indeed, time to get underway—better that than hurry and risk another accident.”
His blue eyes fell upon hers, unblinking.
Kiss me,she thought.Tell me to stay. Tell me you’ll have me here no matter what, tell me you’ll never let me go.
Instead, terribly, he reached his arm out and opened the door of the carriage, then extended a hand to Alicia with a gentlemanly bow at the waist. “May I help you, Miss Ramsbury?” Laurence asked, voice deep and unwavering.
Alicia bit her lip to prevent herself from letting loose with a mournful wail. She nodded mutely, trying not to cry out as she felt his strong, masculine hand grasp hers one last time, and forced her feet to take the steps up into the carriage.
Everything began happening so fast, in such a blur that it made Alicia think of nothing more than the carriage accident that had brought her here in the first place. As she blinked once, then twice, Jenny was seated opposite her in the carriage—it could have been a new one or the same she had ridden in for her whole life, there was no way she could begin to guess.
“Ho, get on, now, Victoria! On with you, Bess!”
There was the crack of leather, and the carriage jerked with movement.
“Laurence!” cried Alicia, leaning her head and arm out the window toward the only place she had ever felt truly happy. Jenny pulled her back in with a tut and a muttered complaint about safety, but not before Alicia saw Laurence raise one hand in a hesitant wave, a look of despondency on his face.
Then the carriage pulled around the bend in the road, and Alicia was alone once again.
It did not take long for the journey to become tedious, and before long Jenny had fallen asleep, her head lolling gently against the wall of the carriage. To Alicia, though, every second of their voyage felt to stretch for a painful eternity. Every yard the horses pulled them was a yard farther from Laurence, a yard she would never cross again.
Alicia pulled down the shade, shutting out the view of the countryside that had turned more wonderful and more horrid than she could have ever imagined. At last, the tears she had suppressed all morning burst forth uncontrollably. Alicia’s final ounce of self-control was spent keeping herself from making a sound, careful not to wake Jenny.
And so the day was spent in just that state—shedding tears over the long miles that carried Alicia farther and farther away from where it was she longed to be.
