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Chapter 56
The ride back to London seemed to fly by. The two friends rode hard and fast. In Silas’ mind, he went over how he planned to explain himself to Lucy. He planned it out, over and over again. It needed to be perfect.
When Silas returned home, he found that there was much to be done. There were things which couldn’t be put off—the family businesses, Dinah’s wedding plans.
The three Sweet siblings sat in the parlour. Michael had just shown him all of the things which required his attendance immediately. Silas’ mind whirled. It would have been doable, had he not left. Now, though, he would have to buckle down and focus.
“I tried to keep up,” Michael told him. “But there are things which only you can do.” It was merely a statement of fact. His brother shrugged.
“Thank you,” Silas told him. He was grateful that his brother had stepped in for him. “I won’t go running off again.” It was a promise. Silas was the viscount. He couldn’t just leave for the country as he chose. Not without making sure that he was remaining on top of things.
Dinah sat, quietly. She was unsmiling. Silas could see the accusation in her eyes. She was so devoted to Lucy that it would be a long time before she forgave Silas, not that he blamed her.
When Michael had gone, he turned to her. “How is she?” he asked, knowing that Dinah would have gone to visit Lucy while he was gone.
“How do you think?” she replied archly. “She’s devastated. Not to mention, she was even more hurt to find that you’d gone off to the country before attempting again to see her.”
He nodded, swallowing. That had been a bad idea. Though he had needed to go there. Finding out that the coordinates had been for naught—that someone else had already been there, it had been a sort of closure for him. His father was gone, and Silas was on his own. Though, not entirely. He saw that, now.
No matter what he did, Silas still had Michael and Levi. And Dinah, too. She might be upset, but she was still there. “I hope that you’re planning to make things right, somehow?” It was a pointed question.
“Do you think she’ll see me now?” he wondered.
“I don’t know,” she replied, sadly.
“Would you please find out?” he asked. “You have to believe me, dear Dinah—I love her.”
“Then why did you leave?”
He had no real answer for that. He shrugged, shaking his head. “It’s what I do best.” He sighed. “I thought that, perhaps, time would heal things. But Levi helped me to see that it wasn’t the case.”
“That’s bad form, Silas. Even for you.” There was no anger in her tone. Just immense sadness, which was even worse.
“I want to apologize to her,” he said. “I cannot do it if she still refuses to see me.”
“I can ask her,” she replied, then speared him with a very fierce look. “But don’t ask me to sacrifice my friendship with her for your sake, brother.” She stood up, smoothing her skirts.
“I would never ask that of you,” he assured her. He was impressed by his sister. Her loyalty to Lucy was unfailing.
“Good. I will ask her if she’ll see you,” she told him. “I won’t press her, however.” She gave him a warning glare.
“That’s all I ask. Thank you.”
She gave him another look, then turned and walked out. He went up to the study, where he locked himself away. He began to go through the things that he needed to get done.
He wondered when Dinah would see Lucy. He felt wretched. He wanted to go to her, but he knew that she would deny him, out of hand. If Dinah went, then maybe she would agree.
Then he would begin to enact his plan, to convince her that he loved her. He would start by explaining, first of all. He hoped that that would do enough. After that, he knew that there would be a lot of work on his part, to prove his love for her. He didn’t yet know how he was going to achieve that. He needed a gesture of some kind, but he had no ideas as of yet.
He pulled out the decanter, studying its amber contents. He set it aside. Drinking only made him feel worse. What he had done was unforgiveable. Yet he wanted to be forgiven. He wanted to be given the chance to prove his love for Lucy.
I don’t know that I deserve it, though.
