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KWAN
Ilay in bed on Saturday morning, thinking back on my fight with Kasem the previous evening, my hand and knuckles still throbbing from how it had all played out.
We’d got into a fight the moment we stepped through the door of our hotel room after an uncomfortable taxi ride. Thinking back,it had started then. He kept glancing my way, a look on his face I couldn’t decipher, but I didn’t think it was good, and as we closed the door to the room behind us, it had continued. He’d grabbed my arm, pushing me against the wall. His small stature belied the strength in his arms.
“So, who was the blond? I noticed you couldn’t keep your eyes off him. You know it’s wrong, don’t you? Lusting over another man. You’re a fucking queer, Kwanchai, and when Saul finds out, you’ll be out of the band.” His question had surprised me, and I’d wondered if Saul had put me in here on purpose. Had word got out about my sexuality?
I’d pushed him away and stalked over to my bed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I’d told him. “I was helping the guy clean up a glass, nothing more.”
“I saw you slip him your number.” His accusation rang loud in my ears.
“I told him about the gig tomorrow night, that’s all. Told him he should come along and see us play again. I didn’t think you’d want to turn away new fans, Kasem. It’s what you crave anyway. The attention, the adulation.” I began to undress, tired of the conversation and just wanting to sleep, but he kept on and on and wouldn’t stop.
“Kings was nothing until I joined. I’ve made this band, and Saul will soon see it my way when I tell him I want decent band members instead of the crap I’m having to deal with now. Kings is my group, and he’ll do exactly what I say with it.
“Where do you think he gets all the money from, Kwanchai? For flights, for hotels? Turns out, the last set of relatives I lived with were shit ton rich and they paid Saul to get me out of their hair. Just like that.” He’d clicked his fingers in my face, having followed me across the room. I’d knocked his hand away with mine. I might have seemed easy-going most of the time, but I was no pushover, and right then, he’d been getting on my very last nerve.
“So you bought your way into the group?” I’d asked, not believing what I had heard. Saul had said the money had come from him, from sponsors he knew.
“Pretty much, yes, and I’m sure Saul will listen to me if he wants to keep getting the money. But as for you, pretty boy. I’m watching you.”
He’d tried to push me away, but I was ready for him and stood my ground, shoving him back until he stumbled against the table.
“Don’t even think about it, Kasem.” I’d poked him in the chest, fucking hating him right then,but I’d gritted my teeth, knowing that unless I stopped now, we’d end up fighting even more. The sensible part of my brain had kicked in, and I’d walked towards the bathroom, knocking him with my shoulder as I passed.
Another shove to my back had me turning quickly, looking down on him.
“Do you really want to start something, Kasem? I’m sick of your shit. The comments, the looks, the way you take over everything. You might have the money to back you up, but do you have the talent? I’m not so sure.
“Now leave me the fuck alone, Kasem.” I’d walked into the bathroom and slammed the door on him, thumping the wall next to it in a fit of temper. My wrist gave way, and my knuckles cracked. It had fucking hurt, but he was lucky it hadn’t been his face.
As I’d leaned against the door, cradling my hand, I’d jolted forward as a kick to the door landed from the other side.
“You’re a pussy, Kwanchai.”
And he was a fucking twat and could go fuck himself. I’d sat in the bathroom waiting for Kasem to tire himself out and listened for the tell-tale sound of him climbing into bed.
I’d known then that although I’d invited Beau to the club, I’d need to protect myself and him, and that likely meant ignoring the only man I’d felt any interest in for a long time.
I’d crept out of the bathroom sometime later, hearing the steady breathing of Kasem, knowing he was asleep, and I’d climbed into bed as quietly as I could.
I’d not been able to sleep, though, wondering what I would do if Beau showed up. My family had given me three years to make something of myself, and I was only eighteen months into that time. I couldn’t give up on my dream, and if Saul found out, I’d be out of the band for sure.
* * *
We arrived at Level just after nine and sat around in the small dressing room out back. It was different to Whispers, that was for sure.
My stomach churned as the thought of the club reminded me that I’d not contacted Beau even though he’d messaged me to say he’d be here. We’d spent all day at rehearsals, Saul pushing us time and time again. He’d likely be here tonight, and I was still undecided about what to do. The thought of letting that little shit Kasem dictate who I could meet and what I could do stuck in my throat, but the idea of having this ripped from me before I’d even managed to make anything of myself, was equally fucking annoying.
“Five minutes and then you’re on. Make it a good one, boys. You looked like amateurs last night.” Saul’s slurred words were a kick to the gut. I knew we’d not been at our best, most of us tired after travelling, but I hadn’t thought we were that bad. And just how much had he had to drink?
We stood, getting into our usual places, waiting for the music to start. We nodded at each other, ready to make this a good one. One more gig and we’d be home, so what I was thinking anyway, trying to start something with someone who lived here? It was a stupid idea.
I knew what I had to do, but I just hoped he hadn’t turned up. Then I didn’t have to let him down.
Kasem turned from his place at the front of the line, an evil glint in his eye. What he was up to, I had no idea, but he led us out onto the stage, waving and smiling as he did so to the chant of his name, not Kings, not mine, not anyone else’s. Just his. I was starting to see that this was his group. He’d bought his way into it, and he was slowly taking it over. One by one, we’d be edged out, and I guessed I was his first victim.
