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I paced in front of the window, not knowing where to begin.
“My parents…well, everyone, everyone except Hana. Oh, and Olly of course. Well, they sort of don’t, erm. Well, they…”
“Jesus, Kwan, spit it out, will you?”
I laughed, a forced sound even to my ears. I couldn’t believe this was so difficult to say. He knew I was gay. I didn’t need to hide anything from him.
“No one knows I’m gay other than Hana. Oh, and Cho and Sammy. Li and Kasem probably have an inkling but don’t know for sure. Anyway, they don’t matter. Who does matter is my parents and my brothers, and you.” I looked over at him, but his face was expressionless.
“I suppose I always meant to tell them, but I just never got around to it, you see? So, if I’d have invited you there today, well, they would have known and there would have been questions, lots of them, ones I’m not sure I’m ready to answer yet. I thought I was, but now I’m not so sure. Shit, I’m rambling. I’m so sorry.”
I sat on the nearest chair and ran my hands through my hair. I was a coward, a fucking great big one. I really wanted him to come with me this afternoon, but how could I if I couldn’t face up to the biggest secret I had?
Before I could say anything further, Beau spoke.
“So, you’re not going to tell them?” Now it was his turn to pace. “That leaves us where precisely? Seeing each other on the quiet? You sneaking over to Liverpool to see me but me not being able to visit you unless it’s at your sister’s house? Yeah, I’m not sure I want to do that. If, and this is a big if, we were to start anything, I don’t want you to have to lie to your family. That’s not what it’s about. Being honest, no matter what, is what matters, and if you can’t do that, then perhaps we’re better off not starting anything at all.”
Fuck, this wasn’t going the way I wanted it to at all.
A knock on the door and Hana walked in, handing us both a drink.
“Right, you pair. Listen up.” She pointed at Beau first, speaking gently. “You seem like a nice guy. Kwan has never been like this over anybody ever, so give him a chance. He deserves one.”
Her words were less kind when she turned her attention to me.
“Do you honestly think Mum and Dad have no idea? You’re twenty-four and never brought a girl home, never showed any interest whatsoever in them. I think you’ll find that if you were to bring Beau to the family dinner today, not one person would bat an eyelid.
“And stop being such a dick, grow a pair for fuck’s sake and own it, Kwan. Now, kiss and make up, the twins want to see you, and then we are going to dinner and you are bringing Beau with you. You’ve got five minutes.”
She shut the door behind her but not without a final glare at me.
Ok, so I needed to put this right before Beau walked out of the door and didn’t come back. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak.
I took a deep breath. “Would you like to come to the family dinner this afternoon?”
“Are you sure? I mean, you weren’t ready to tell anyone a couple of minutes ago, and now, you’re just willing to drop it on your family?”
“Yes, it seems that way, doesn’t it?”
“And if I thought you meant it, I’d say yes, but I’m not convinced you can just sweep your concerns and fears under the carpet.”
“Maybe this will show you just how serious I am.”
I grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him towards me. It was now or never.
Pressing my lips to his, I waited. He’d either push me away or…
I wasn’t ready for the kiss, wasn’t ready for him to return it with quite the passion he did. He gripped the back of my head, tilting his head and opened his mouth, devouring mine. He walked me backwards, only stopping when my back hit the wall, rattling the pictures. Guess I had my answer.
