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I nodded, slowly feeling the warmth in my fingertips, slightly nauseous now thinking about what could have happened.
“Why was he in the water, Kwan? I know Ziggy’s been trying to get in touch for the last few days. He’d popped around a couple of times, but he wasn’t there.”
I shrugged. I honestly didn’t know.
“I’ve been away, and when I couldn’t get hold of him, I came straight back. I missed a call from him, but then he wasn’t answering my messages and I got worried. He’d been acting a bit strange the last time I saw him, and I know sometimes he…struggles.”
Marc rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, at least you were able to get him out. How long was he under for?”
“Seconds, a minute. Certainly no longer than that. I managed to get his head above water and then dragged him to shore.”
“You might just have saved his life. He’s damned lucky we were in the area. Someone saw him in the sea and called it in. Any longer under the water and he’d have been dead, not to mention the chill from the water. I’m not a doctor, but I’m hoping he’ll pull through.” He laughed humourlessly. “I can’t wait to give Ziggy the news. He is not going to be happy to hear about this.”
I wrapped the blanket around me, shivering now. I needed to get out of these wet clothes and into something warmer.
We eventually arrived at the hospital where Beau was rushed in to see the doctors. I was ushered into a small cubicle and handed a gown. A kind nurse helped me strip, and I lay on the bed, worrying what the hell was going to happen now.
At least an hour passed before Marc stepped through the curtain, sitting in the chair next to the bed but before I could ask, he had the answer.
“He’s going to be fine physically, but mentally, I think he’s going to need some help. Ziggy and I will do whatever we can for him, and if you’re up for it, I think you can help too.”
“Of course, I’ll do anything. Just tell me what. How long do I need to stay here? I’ve no clothes, and my phone is ruined, so I can’t call my parents.”
“If you want to, you can come stay with us, call your parents from there. Beau will be here a while. He’ll need to be assessed by the psych liaison team, and they’ll make a decision from there on what the best course of action will be for him.
“I would imagine he’ll be here for a couple of days. His heart never stopped beating, but he did take in some water. They’ll just need to keep an eye on him. I’ll go check with the doctors, see if there’s anyone to come see you, and then you can be released.”
Another ten minutes and the doctor came in, assessing my breathing and temperature before releasing me to Marc.
“Can I see him before we go?” I dressed in a pair of sweats and a shirt that Marc had brought for me. They were a little big, but I’d manage.
“You can see him for a few minutes, then he’ll be moved up to a ward for a few days.”
Thank God. I’d do anything I could to help him. I felt guilty as it was. Cho had picked up my phone as we travelled south, and I didn’t get it back until the following day. By that time, I’d missed Beau’s call, and every message or call I made after that went unanswered.
I couldn’t just leave the band, though, and as much as I know we did well on stage, my heart wasn’t in it, constantly worrying about Beau. As soon as I was able, I left and made my way to Liverpool, taking the quickest train I could. Getting no response at the flat, I went to the only place I could think of. The place Beau had told me to find him.
The beach.
I did not expect to see him wading out into the sea. There was no doubting his intention, and once he was awake, he was going to tell me just what the fuck had made him do that. Surely his life wasn’t so bad that he thought death was the only option.
Marc led me to a private room where Beau lay, his eyes closed, some colour now back, but he still looked like death. I could just see his face, swaddled as he was with blankets, trying to get the warmth back into his body.
He looked so young lying there, and I longed to touch him, at least to satisfy myself that he was still with us. I reached out and gently stroked his cheek, eventually letting go of the tears I’d been holding in since seeing him there in the water. I hung my head, crying soundlessly, until a hand touched my shoulder.
“Come on, let’s get you home and rested. Standing here thinking about what-ifs won’t do either of you any good. You need hot food and a drink and a full night’s sleep. Ziggy will be glad to meet you anyway.”
I bent down, kissing Beau tenderly on the forehead, his cool skin barely warmer than before. I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to stay here with him, but I knew I needed to rest. I felt exhausted, empty and ready to drop.
Reluctantly, I stepped away from him, following Marc out of the hospital and to his car. A short car journey and we arrived at his house, a worried Ziggy standing waiting.
He ran towards Marc, throwing his arms around his neck, and I watched with quiet envy, realising that this was what I wanted, and I wanted it with Beau.
I’d move heaven and earth to make that happen, but first, I had to find him again.
