AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The last four days have passed in a blur of funeral planning and grief. I still can’t believe that my father is dead. I felt shock and sadness when the sheriff first told us the news but then the guilt and anger set in. I was angry because he treated me like a prisoner for years and I finally got away from him. I didn’t owe him anything. Then the guilt would hit. Guilt that I hadn’t just gone with him, then maybe he would still be alive., But I felt even more guilty that I wasn’t really all that sad that he was dead.
I know he was my father and I feel like I should have loved him or cared for him but the truth is that he treated me like crap for too long and any affectionate feelings I might have had were used up long ago. I wish that we could have had a better relationship. I wish we’d tried to understand each other better but it’s too late for that now.
Campbell has been by my side through all of this. He’s my rock and I don’t know what I would have done if he wasn’t here. He held my hand while we went to claim my father’s body. He helped me decide on a casket and headstone and funeral plot and then he paid for all of it.
Today, he’s helping me again.
We went back to my father’s house. I inherited it and the land and we need to figure out what we want to do with it. I already know that the house will need to be torn down; it’s in bad shape. Campbell drove me out here right after breakfast and we’ve been sitting in the truck for the last ten minutes. I’ve been trying to work up the courage to walk back into that house and Campbell has been sitting patiently with me.
Finally, I nod and throw my car door open. We both step down and start to make our way up the steps. I have to stop and point out to Campbell where the weak spots are and where he shouldn’t step as we go but we eventually tiptoe our way inside. It’s only been a week but it feels like I’ve been gone much longer than that.
“We can take anything you want with us. Just let me know and I’ll carry anything you want out to the truck. Okay, princess?”
I nod but I already know that I won’t be taking anything with me. I tell Campbell to stay on the first floor. The stairs are falling apart and there’s no way that they would be able to hold up under his weight. I pick my way upstairs and look around but almost everything was moved downstairs so it’s pretty bare.
I walk back towards the stairs and see Campbell waiting for me at the bottom. He wasn’t happy about me going up the stairs, said they were too dangerous and I can see the worry still there as I start to make my way down them. He holds his hand out to me as soon as I’m within reach and helps me down the last few stairs.
“Nothing upstairs?”
“No, it’s empty. We brought everything down when the stairs got bad.”
He follows after me as I go into the living room and then the kitchen, asking me if I want any of the furniture or dishes. Everything is so old though, that it should just be trashed. We walk into my room but everything that was important to me I took with me when I ran. I never had much to begin with so even my bedroom is pretty empty. I duck into the bathroom before moving on to the last room.
My father’s bedroom.
I was never allowed inside it and I hesitate now before I slowly push the door open. His scent is stronger in here and I walk in, taking in the unmade bed and the piles of clothes on the floor. I don’t want any of his clothes or furniture and I’m turning to leave when something catches my eye. There’s a book on his nightstand. It’s old but I’ve never seen it before, which is weird because I read every book in this house at least a dozen times.
I walk closer and see that it’s not a book at all but a diary. My father doesn’t seem like the type to keep a diary or journal and my curiosity is piqued. I pick up the book, scanning the first couple of words and my breath catches in my throat.
“Salem? What is it?” Campbell asks as he makes his way towards me.
“It’s a diary. My mother’s diary,” I say, looking up at him with wide eyes.
I flip through it and stop when I see one word. Pregnancy. She was writing this diary when she was pregnant with me. I lean against Campbell as I start to read.
January 16th
Dear Diary,
I’m officially in the third trimester! I’m so excited to have this baby and to be a mother. I can’t wait to hold my little girl in my arms, to cuddle her and play with her. Vince feels the same. He is so sweet, always talking to my belly and rubbing it. Vince is even more protective now that I’m starting to show. You should see the way he runs around, making sure I have everything that I need. I know that he’s going to be the best dad. Our little girl is going to be so lucky and she is already so loved. I can’t wait for July to be here so that I can finally hold my little girl in my arms.
I don’t realize I’m crying until Campbell is pulling me into his arms and wiping the tears from my face.
“What is it, princess?”
“That wasn’t the father that I got,” I sob into his chest.
I hand him the diary and he reads the passage I read while I curl into his side and cry. Campbell closes the diary when he’s done and wraps both arms around me. He shushes me, rocking me back and forth as I cry for the family that I never got to have. For both of the parents that I lost the day that I was born.
ChapterTwelve
Campbell
Salem has been quiet for the last couple of days and I don’t know how to pull her out of it. I know grief after losing someone is normal but I still don’t like seeing my angel sad or upset. I’ve been letting her sleep in while I go out at dawn to work on the farm. We still haven’t decided what to do with her father’s house or land but I’m not in any rush. I don’t want to push her before she’s ready.
I finish up for the morning and head back to the house to eat lunch with Salem. We’ve been getting into a routine over the last couple of days and I’m amazed at how comfortably Salem fits into my life here. She’s been settling in at the house and she started to move stuff around and decorate it the way that she likes.
I walk up to the house, expecting to find Salem curled up on the couch with her mother’s diary. She’s been reading it over and over again ever since she found it. I’ve read it too and the love that her mother and father obviously had for her is written on every page.
