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I lock up and climb behind the wheel of my car but as I pull out of my parking spot, I make a decision.
Spencer told me that he was renting some house over on 19th Street and I know the one that he was talking about. Before I can talk myself out of it, I head in that direction.
I pull up out front before I even have a chance to figure out what I’m going to say to him. Do I just demand to know why he hasn’t reached out to me? Do I ask if I did something wrong the other night?
Spencer is outside loading a duffle bag into the back of his Jeep and my heart cracks at the sight.Is he leaving?
“Spencer,” I say as I climb out of my car and walk up behind him.
His back tenses and he takes a deep breath before he turns to face me.
“Emmy Lou. What are you doing here?” He asks.
“I came to see why you hadn’t called me.”
“I’ve been tired,” he says and I am so sick of hearing that lame excuse.
“Really,” I deadpan and I swear I see him flinch.
“And I’ve just been really busy with work.”
I can tell that he’s lying and that knowledge cuts deep. He won’t make eye contact with me and I don’t know how we got to this point. How did everything between us go so wrong?
“Are you going somewhere?” I ask, eyeing the luggage in the back of his Jeep.
“I…”
The one word hangs in the air between us and I swallow hard. This is the end. I can feel it. Tears well in my eyes even as red hot anger fills me.
I ball my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms to try to stem the tears that I can feel threatening to spill over. I don’t want to cry in front of him. I don’t want to show him how much he’s hurting me.
“I have a right to know. Why have you been acting so distant ever since we slept together in the bookstore? Are you going somewhere?”
“Emmy Lou,” he says softly and my heart cracks open the rest of the way. “I was never going to stay in Sunny Bend for long. I don’t want to stay anywhere for long. My plan was always to leave.”
“I…” I choke out the one word before the first tear slips free.
Dammit, Emmy Lou. Keep it together! You’re stronger than this.
“Emmy Lou. Please, baby.”
“Don’t call me baby,” I say, my voice hard and thick with my unshed tears.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I care for you, I do, but I have to leave. The plan was always for me to leave.”
“Then why did you get involved with me? Why ask me out? Why spend all of this time getting to know me if you were just going to leave? If you knew that you were always going to leave me? Was I just a fling?”
More tears slip free but I don’t care. My whole body is starting to grow numb and I welcome the feeling. Anything is better than feeling my heart being ripped out and stomped on.
“I… I couldn’t help myself. Not with you. I know that I should have told you sooner and I’m sorry.”
“Right,” I say, backing up to my car. “I get it. I’m not worth sticking around for or telling the truth to. Good luck on your trip.”
I can tell that I’m about to really start sobbing and I want to keep some of my dignity intact. I can’t do that if I ugly cry in front of him.
“Emmy Lou, wait. It’s not like that,” he says as he takes a step towards me but I hold my hands out. I don’t want him to try to comfort me right now.
“Right.”
