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“Hey, are you back in the states?”
I haven’t told him that I was injured yet and that I can’t go back to the military or that I spent the last three weeks at a hospital in Germany getting stitched back up.
“No, but I’m headed back now. I, uh, I got some news today,” I start.
“Yeah?” he asks and I can hear the nerves in his voice.
He sounds like that kid that I left behind all those years ago.
“It’s Dad, Gray,” I sigh.
“What about him?” he asks, his voice hard.
“He’s dead,” I reply, my tone flat, unfeeling.
“What?”
“They think it was a heart attack. Honestly, I’m surprised that his liver didn’t give out on him. The funeral is going to be this weekend. I’m headed home to plan it now. I didn’t think that you would want to be there for the planning part...” I say, trailing off when Gray hasn’t made a sound.
“I can if you need me to,” he offers, but I can hear the reluctance in his voice.
I don’t blame him. I don’t want to deal with them or anything else with our dad either, but I’ve always been the one to do the hard things. Duties of being a big brother, I guess.
“No, Gray. It’s okay, I can take care of it.”
“Thanks, Jasp. Let me know if you need anything before this weekend.”
“Will do. Do you want me to pay for your ticket home?” I offer.
“No, Nora might come with me, so I’ll get my ticket… but thank you.”
He clears his throat and we both stay on the phone.
“I’ll see you and Nora this weekend,” I say finally.
“See you.”
I stand, my skin feeling too tight as I think about everything that needs to be done. I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to be in this town or dealing with any of this.
I grab my keys and head back downstairs. It’s still light out as I climb behind the wheel, driving around town, trying to calm down.
It feels like everything in my life is falling down around me and I’m angry.
I’m out of the military now that I’ve been injured. Medically discharged but I’ve done that job for so long that I have no idea what I want to do with my life next.
I have no car, no home, nothing.
I can’t help but think about the day that I enlisted. I had been searching for a job in town for months, but nothing paid enough or had benefits. My dad was always drunk and he disappeared every payday with our money.
I was at the end of my rope and so I enlisted. I hated having to grow up so fast, hated worrying about Gray back home and if he was alright, but it was the only option that I saw. It was either I joined the military or we lived on the streets. I could have called CPS but they would have removed Gray and taken him to a new town. I couldn’t do that to him. He’s been in love with his best friend, Nora, since the day that he saw her and I didn’t want them to be separated.
I find myself driving down my old street and parking in front of what used to be our house. It was never much to look at and things have only gotten worse in the ten years since I’ve been gone.
The roof is sagging and I think that there might actually even be a hole in one spot. The porch steps are just as bad and don’t look like they could support anyone’s weight. The whole front looks dirty and I can’t imagine the sides of the house or back are much better.
Overgrown grass and weeds are starting to grow over the walkway and side of the house and I groan just thinking about how much work it’s going to be to get rid of this place. I’m not sure that it can be saved. It looks like it should be condemned.
This house is the only thing that my father owns, and it’s not surprising that he let it go to hell. He was never great at caring for anything besides himself.
