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It’s eight in the morning and I haven’t slept a wink, when my sister walks through the door.
“I thought you would be asleep,” she says, looking every bit as tired as I am.
“I thought you were coming later.”
She shrugs. “I missed my babies and you know I can’t stay there long.”
There’s more she’s not saying. I’m about to ask but she points a finger at me. “You’ve been crying.”
Pain breaks over my chest and the tears come fast again. “I’ve been thinking aboutPapi.”
Sierra sits across from me on the couch. This is not out of the norm. Sometimes we still cry for him. “What made you think of him?”
“Mom.” My throat knots and I don’t want to tell her but she has a right to know. Her life was changed by it and she’s the only person I can say this to. So, I take a deep breath and stare into her worried eyes.
“Yesterday, when I went to pick up Emmi and Eddie, she had David there. I flipped out on her and told her if she ever springs him on me again, I won’t ever see her again. She kept saying she didn’t want me to make a mistake and then she confessed that she cheated onPapi.That’s why he left her.”
The shock, the shake of her head, the understanding that dawns on my sister’s eyes breaks my heart all over again. “How could she?”
The tears slip from her eyes. Her hands tighten around mine and we cry and cry. She leans her head in my chest. “You have his courage. You left the cheating asshole. I became just like Edwin, a dirty cheater.”
I shake my head. “No. You’re nothing like Edwin. You’re a good mom and you only did what you did because he hurt you so many times.”
“I don’t want to be like Mom,” she sobs.
“You’re not. I swear you are not. You are loving and your kids love being with you. They missed you so much.”
“How could she cheat onPapi? I understand Edwin cheating on me. I can be a fucking bitch from hell butPapiwas such a good soul.”
“Stop. Are you kidding me? You didn’t deserve that. You still don’t.”
She sits back and wipes her face. “I’m going to end it. I decided yesterday. I’m going to ask him for a divorce. And this is a sign.Papiis telling me it’s time.”
I nod. “I’m going to be there for you. Carina can take your case.”
Her gaze drops. “I can’t afford Carina.”
“Yes, you can. Because I’m going to pay her.”
“Saona—”
“Shut up. I’m going to do this for you and that’s it. It’s my money and I want to do this for you. I’m tired of people thinking they can tell me how to spend it. You have too much to think of right now, like your kids and yourself. Money shouldn’t be one of those things.”
“I’ll pay you back. I promise.”
“No, you won’t. I can’t pay you back for the way you were there for me when I went through all this shit. I’m not taking your money.” She’s crying again.
And so am I, for her, for me, forPapi.
We stay there for a while in silence. Then, in true Sierra fashion, she springs back. “We need a plan. I will tell Edwin and then I’ll tell him to get out.”
“If he doesn’t do it, you can stay with me.”
She starts to shake her head then stops. “You’re just like Papi, you know that? Always trying to take care of somebody.”
My heart quickens. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
She chuckles.
“How’s KellyAnn?”
She looks down and sighs. “Crazy as fuck. Deluded as always. I’m going to make us coffee.”
She makes coffee better than me. It’s taken a while for her to get to the decision and the hard parts are yet to come. I remember the exact moment I reached my decision to divorce David. It was in Baltimore, in Jax’s bar, when I read all the emails.
It had been easier for me. David and I didn’t have children. And I had found in that decision so much freedom to be me, to be bold, and to liberate myself. I had also found something I’d never had before in Jax: a real partner. Someone that’s really there for me. But that’s gone. No need to rehash it.
I’m scared of what this means for my sister and my niece and nephew but she will be better. I’m going to take care of them. That’s what I need to spend my energy on, not pining for someone who most likely already moved on.
