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14
Anubis
I pacearound my chamber unsure what to do. I know I can’t contact the general; he would be horrified by my actions. No Dhaarrir could possibly accept what I have just done. It’s irrelevant who I did it with, although it being a human might make it more disgusting to some people. The issue is that I did it all. Indulging in sexual activities is the greatest taboo of our culture. We have all but eradicated the need to fornicate in such a way since reproduction can be handled in other, more civilized, ways.
I have always been a true and devout believer in the philosophy that sex is just a big waste of time. People can fuck their whole lives away if they aren’t careful. I thought I had become a master of myself, someone incapable of even feeling proper sexual arousal. I haven’t felt it for so long, I did not even recognize the feeling at first. It seems that repressing those desires for so long made unleashing them incredibly dangerous.
I look back at how I acted with Zanika, and I can’t even believe that it was me. It feels like I am watching someone else’s life roll in front of my eyes. The life of a poor, depraved soul who does not deserve the life he has. The vision of all that blood on Zanika keeps forcing itself into my mind with a merciless strength. I can’t believe that I would hurt such a sweet, innocent being. I know that the humans generally are a species of savages, but I truly felt something in her, something different. I could see that, despite her tough upbringing, she is full of love and compassion. How could I allow myself to violate her thusly, and hurt her so badly in the process?
Now I don’t know what to do. I feel I should go to her and make sure she is okay. I just left her sitting there with her wounds. I am not sure exactly what I did to hurt her so; maybe I was just much too rough. I underestimated what the humans would be able to take. I forget that I am much stronger and bigger than human males, so maybe her body simply couldn’t handle it. I just don’t feel I can face her; my shame is too great.
Also, to my dismay, thinking of the moments of the night, her beautiful, smooth body and the way she pleasured my penis with her mouth, is already make my cock stiff again. I am completely insatiable. If I see her again, I am not sure I am going to be able to control myself. I don’t know what has happened to me. I have been on Ebkherun for mere days and am already losing myself. I am supposed to be here for another couple of weeks at the very least.
I decide that I must leave the palace. I must get out of here and clear my head. Seeing Zanika is not an option in my current state. I will make sure that she is cared for by the other human females. When I come back from seeing to my duties in the city, I will maybe see her again. It’s possible that I may have to never see her though. If I am unable to control myself around her, then she is a danger to this entire mission. I truly wish there was someone to talk to about this, but there is no one. I am here alone, and this mission is on my shoulders. I cannot fail at my first posting or my second one will surely be even worse than this shit show.
I take my sword in my hand and collapse it to its small cylinder form. I tuck it in my schenti and head out of the palace. I just hope that I don’t run into Zanika on the way.
* * *
I couldn’t stay away long.The situation in the city has calmed down, and I found very little to do. The construction of defenses around the city is going well. It seems that the fear I have instilled in the humans motivates them to work even when I am not around. The instruments of torture and all the corpses have been cleared out, and the restoration of the buildings has begun. Soon, we will be able to move to phase two of the mission, which will be to organize an army and install a leader who will do the bidding of the Dhaarrir once again.
I have not received word from the general, so I assume that my work thus far has been satisfactory. My daily reports leave out the gritty details of my indiscretions, of course. They cannot see what goes on within the palace walls, but they do have the capabilities to survey the outside. If they knew what I was doing there, they would pull me out immediately. If I were smarter, I would pull myself out, but I know in my heart that I am not going to do that. Even though my mind is imploring me to extract myself immediately, I make my way back to the palace. The shame of my actions has dissipated almost entirely. Now, all I can think about is getting another fix. I feel my cock aching in my schenti, and I need a release. Masturbation is nothing to me anymore after getting to take Zanika like I did. Despite that, I have defiled myself three times since it happened.
Glimpses of the bloody horror that I created in her body invade my mind periodically, but they are pushed out by my yearning to have her body once more. I am falling back into that trance I found myself in last night. The problem is that I see no problem with it when I get into this heat. Having tasted the fruit, it is natural to go back for another bite. I can feel the change in my psyche taking over. I have gone my entire life without the pleasures of the flesh, and now, on Yoria, I have discovered them—and there is no going back.
I prefer it this way. I want to be determined to do anything in my power to get the one thing that I crave above all else. I have stopped questioning my desires and, instead, am focusing on fulfilling them. I’m not proud of how I’m acting, but I have accepted that maybe things work differently down here. Maybe I can indulge in these urges while on Yoria. Then, when my posting is finished and I head back to Dhaarria, I can return to my strict, honorable life.
I walk up to the palace just as the sun has set. There are still some females working, but most of them have retired. They bow to me as I walk by, and I notice that I have no interest in them. All my energy is directed at Zanika. Surely any female should do to fulfill my desires, but that doesn’t seem to be the way it works. Every time I close my eyes, I see Zanika’s beautiful face and her silky, golden body. I see her bent over with her curvy ass in the air. I see her on her knees, licking my cock. I have no desire for anyone else to do those things other than her.
I immediately ask one of the girls of the whereabouts of Zanika.
“She took the day off, my Lord. She was not feeling well in the morning.”
My heart sinks. Shit, maybe I did hurt her badly. The emotions of guilt mix with the overwhelming desire I feel for her. My head is a complete mess of thoughts and feelings. It is impossible to pinpoint what I want at any given moment.
“Go fetch her and bring her to my chamber,” I order, distracted.
“Yes, my Lord,” the human answers meekly and heads off in the direction of the slave chambers.
I return to my chamber at the opposite end of the palace, where I pace around and try to clear my head.What the hell is happening to me?I have never been so overwhelmed and confused in my life. I feel concern for this human, guilt about what I did to her, but yet, I want to do it all over again. None of these thoughts are logical; nothing makes sense anymore.
I hear a knock at the door and my heart stops. I pull myself together and can already feel my dick hardening again as the thought of seeing Zanika enters my mind. My pulse is running high as I order, “Enter!”
To my dismay, it is the human who I sent to fetch Zanika. Is she so stupid that she did not understand that I wish to see Zanika alone? I am about to scold her when she quickly opens her mouth to explain.
“I’m sorry, my Lord, but Zanika is nowhere to be found.”
“What do you mean nowhere to be found?” I say, clenching my fist.
“She is no longer in her bed, and no one has seen her for a couple of hours, my Lord.”
I feel panic invading my chest. What if she has run off? Did I hurt her so bad that she needed to escape?
“Get out!” I yell at the girl, much more aggressively than I meant to. She immediately bolts out of the room, and I pick up a wooden stool and hurl it into the wall, smashing it to smithereens.
My outburst makes me feel no better. The flame of rage burns inside of me as I think of never seeing Zanika again. How could she just leave like that?
I take multiple deep breaths, trying to think of a solution. I realize that there is no solution. Either I find her or I die trying.
I march out of the chamber and slam the door shut. No one will stop me from finding my Zanika. I don’t care if it takes me a week, a month, a year. I head out into the courtyard to start my search.
