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15
Zanika
I wakeup and peek outside. Night is falling again. I must have slept for many hours. In all fairness, I didn’t sleep a wink last night.
In a moment, as expected, the girls start to fill up the chamber and flop down into their beds. I realize that I have spent the whole day in bed and eaten nothing whatsoever. Now, with the lack of privacy stopping me from getting too worked up, I decide to finally get up and find something to eat. There will surely be some bread lying around somewhere.
Luckily Sslama is nice enough to bring me a small loaf on her way to bed. I thank her for her thoughtfulness but decide to get up anyway. It will be good to stretch my legs. I assure her that everything is okay and I will be fine for work tomorrow. Apparently, the day was uneventful and there was no sign of Lord Anubis anywhere. This makes me feel a little nervous. I start to wonder whether what we did was actually something bad. The strength of his reaction was so confusing that maybe I have misread the situation. Maybe he does actually regret it. For the first time since last night, doubt creeps into my mind. I had been so certain that he would come for me again, but what if he doesn’t?
I walk out of the chamber and into the courtyard, the scene from last night replaying itself in my mind. I can almost see him pushing me against the wall, bending me over the table. Me, on my knees, sucking his beautiful cock. I’m afraid that this is almost becoming an obsession. Is this what it’s like for every girl when they lose their virginity? I don’t know. I have had very few girlfriends in my life since people were always coming and going from the farm. I also can’t tell anyone here about what happened; that could be detrimental to everything Lord Anubis is trying to do here. I have no intention of rocking the balance of relative freedom we have all received from him. Our duties are light, we are not tortured or harassed, and all of our basic needs are seen to. Hell, we even get a small salary now! No, I can’t tell anyone what happened between us; they probably wouldn’t even believe me if I did.
I make my way down to the river to watch the sun set over Avaris. This has quickly become my favorite spot on the whole palace grounds. The sandy dunes loom in the distance behind the sporadic palm trees on the opposite riverbank. The softly flowing river fills the area with the calming sound of water. At this time, all the girls are finishing up their duties inside or already in bed. I have the whole place to myself, and it feels like I am the only person alive.
I stroll along the bank looking up at the bright moon and stars in the sky. Ever since I was a child I have gotten lost in those images. The mystery of those luminescent bulbs engulfed by blackness has always left me in awe. I used to wonder whether they might be other worlds like this one, with their own people and problems. It’s difficult to imagine that we would be all alone down here. It makes me sad to think that I might never find an answer to that question. I would not need to travel anywhere or see them with my own eyes; I know that would be impossible, but just the knowledge that there are other worlds and people out there would be a great comfort to me—I’m not exactly sure why.
I think I have always yearned to feel a connection with someone. My father and brother both abandoned me, I never knew my mother, and I have never really had a friend, let alone someone to love. I have gone through my life completely alone, and I generally don’t mind that, but as I get a little older, I start to feel the crushing loneliness of this inexplicable world. We are born alone, and we die alone, and in between we just have a series of excruciating sufferings that we are forced to endure. There must be something more, somewhere. If not on Yoria, then up there, in the stars. Maybe someone is looking up at those very same stars and thinking these very same things. If that’s true, then I hope, someday, they find out that they’re not alone as well.
Oh, Ra, I always get like this when night falls, especially outside in a place as beautiful as this. I look back at the palace and start to wonder where Lord Anubis might be. It’s funny how someone I only met a few days ago is capable of taking up such a large piece of my mind. I think he represents something bigger to me, something more than my own life. I wouldn’t dare to think that I could ever fall in love with a god, especially one so brutish and violent, but he does make me feel something. I’m not sure what it is quite yet, but I hope I can see him again and find out.
I notice that I have strayed at least a thousand cubits from the palace while in my thoughts. I decide that it’s probably high time I turn around and go back to bed. I will have to resume work tomorrow, and although I only recently woke up, I don’t feel like going back to sleep would be impossible. My mind has been especially overactive today which is sometimes as tiring as physical activity.
I turn around and continue my stroll back towards the palace. I see a figure in the darkness in front of me. I think that I must be seeing things. It’s a large black figure standing not a hundred cubits from my position. I wave it off as a trick of the eye in the darkness, but then it moves toward me. I start to panic. It looks like some kind of demon of the night, and it’s coming straight toward me. I touch my thigh and make sure the knife is still there. I have been keeping one tied to my leg ever since last night. If Anubis could take me like that, then maybe someone else could on one of my errands to the city, and I won’t allow anyone to defile me unless I want them to.
The figure breaks into a run and I turn around and sprint away from it. The wind rushing through my hair, my bare feet kicking up the sand, I pump my arms as hard as I can to get away from whatever this is. My heart is racing, and I am out of breath, but I don’t dare stop. I glance back and see that the figure is gone. I stop and look around, confused to the utmost. My heart still racing, I decide that I need to get back to the palace. I am just about to take off in a sprint when I hear something behind me, a rustle in the vegetation. I turn around abruptly and see the figure towering over me, so close I can smell the musky scent emanating from its body. I look up and see that it’s no demon—it’s Lord Anubis.
