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She squeezed his fingers. “You’ll find someone who is thrilled to have you as a husband, who will enjoy your company with gratitude. I’m sure of it.”
Hope flitted over his face, gone at his next blink. “I don’t know if I can risk my heart again.” The truth of that statement reflected in his face. “It nearly broke that last time, and me along with it.”
“Understandable.” Cold disappointment filled her chest. Though it had been a silly notion to begin with, she’d almost let herself think his interest in her might end with a declaration. Thankfully, what they’d shared hadn’t gone any further than a few kisses and touches. It would be easier to forget him once something else caught his fancy.
“Yet my mother insists I wed. No doubt she wishes to see a union before she dies.” He didn’t seem thrilled with that prospect.
“I had that impression as well. I wish you luck in the search. I’m certain there is the perfect woman just waiting out there for you to notice her.” She nodded but there was no enthusiasm in it, especially when he frowned as if annoyed. When he didn’t answer, she rushed to fill the silence. “Do you not want a family of your own?” If her voice shook, she hoped he didn’t notice it. Knowing he’d soon be out of her reach sent a wash of confusing emotion through her.
“I thought I didn’t. For a long time, I wondered if it would be just me knocking about the world.” He slipped his hand from hers. “Then Luke came into my life.” Some of the bitterness faded from his expression as he talked. “I rather like having him around.”
“You’ll prove a good father to him.” Her hand shook when she lifted her teacup and sipped her now tepid tea.
“I hope so. My father died when I was young; I don’t have a guide.”
Felicity shrugged. “Your mother will help.”
“And you, for you’ll be there, yes?” Longing lit his eyes, but why?
Another snort escaped her. “Your mother doesn’t truly need me. She only hired me because she was lonely while you were at sea.”
“I’m certain she enjoys your presence even now.” Mild panic swam in his eyes, but she didn’t understand the reason. “What will you do if you leave her employ?”
“Perhaps I’ll become a governess. I’m sure there is a position for me somewhere and doing so with Luke has shown me how much I enjoy that.”
“To another man’s children.” It wasn’t a question.
“Perhaps. It’s the way of the world.” Her stomach muscles pulled with anxiety. “But the worry is always on my mind, the time when I’ll be forced to leave. Especially if you marry. The house will be too crowded and I’m sure the woman you take to wife will keep your mother company.” The thought of that sent another ball of tears crowding into her throat. She’d become all too attached to the family in the short time the captain and Luke had been in residence.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right. Not only do I need to rub along well with a woman, but my mother needs to like her as well.”
That struck Felicity as funny. She laughed and then attempted to stifle the sound. “That will perhaps be the more difficult task you face.”
“Don’t remind me.” His tones were especially gloomy, and he frowned. They both fell into respective maudlin thoughts. Eventually, he roused himself. “I’d like to acquire one more gift for my mother. Have you a suggestion?”
“Perhaps a footstool? One with an embroidered cushion. That way she wouldn’t have to sit sideways on the sofa all the time.” At least the hunt would take her mind off the fact that Bartholomew would wed, and she would once more need to find her own way in the world.
Alone.
“Then I shall seek to procure that, with your help of course.” Concern etched his brow. “Regarding what happened yesterday…”
Heat jumped into her cheeks again. “Hush,” she hissed and glanced about to see if anyone noticed them. When no one did, she continued. “There is no further conversation necessary, and I certainly won’t accept an apology.”
He looked at her with speculation in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to frighten you with my insistence. I shouldn’t have done—”
“Stop.” She held up a hand. “You didn’t frighten me,” she assured him in a low voice. “That interlude was quite nice, and I’ll treasure it always.”
“Oh.” Then his eyes widened. “Oh! Well, that’s wonderful.” His grin was positively blinding, and she would miss that perhaps most of all.
Yet stupidly, Felicity smiled as well. “Shall we continue with our errands?”
Silly, foolish, optimistic heart. She hoped it wouldn’t hurt too much once it broke when life’s circumstances pulled them apart.
