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Sawyer
I couldn’t handle the train of emotions running over her face. It was like the first time I met her, but only a thousand times worse and completely my fault.
At Sydney and Caleb’s engagement party, when I’d first met Grace by the gift table, her face was filled with tamped down panic at being in such a large crowd of people she didn’t know. Even that first time, I knew she had slight anxieties and maybe that was why it was so easy to be carefree with her.
Not carefree in the way that I was frivolous with our friendship, but carefree in the way that I could be my joking, light self. It was easy to forget the drudged down depression that my job sometimes brought to my door, because I fought so hard to keep a smile on Grace’s face.
God, I would do anything to have her smile back right now.
Instead, I pulled her close. With her head tucked to my chest and under my chin, I was thankful she didn’t pull away. I needed to hold her, to ward off her fears and thoughts, because I couldn’t stand to see them in her blue eyes any longer.
Holding her this close wasn’t doing my psyche much good though. I could smell the coconut shampoo she used in her hair and the hemp lotion she used on her skin. Lotion that I once teased her mercilessly for but still bought her for Christmas and her birthday.
I could feel as her body relaxed, fraction by fraction, until her hands went from her sides to rest on my sides.
“I missed you, Gracie,” I whispered down into the crown of blonde hair. “I’m sorry for being a jealous prick and not reaching out to you.”
“I forgive you,” she whispered back. I knew she believed the words, just as I knew it also wasn’t going to be just that easy. She was going to question everything and I was going to have to fight to prove that what I said was true, but I was not afraid of spending the weekend showing her that we could be the friends we once were, again. I was going to keep in contact with her when I got back home. I was going to text her, email her, call her… At least once a day, like I did with Sydney.
I was going to do it, and I was going to prove that she could still find her calm in me.
Because I found my calm in her.
I looked out over the water, not really paying attention to the mammals talking below, or the voices drifting with the wind. I knew that Sydney had a first class seat to the embrace her brother and friend were in, and I didn’t care. Right now was about easing Grace’s fears and thoughts, not about anyone else at this park.
When Grace finally pulled away, she did so with her chin tucked into her chest and a slight blush rising on her cheeks. Maybe I wasn’t as successful at easing her uncomfortableness as I had hoped.
I let my arms drop to my sides, stuffing them in my pockets to refrain from pulling her back.
Or from lifting her chin up and pressing my lips to hers.
Because suddenly I wanted that even more than I wanted to fix my wrong-doings—and fuck if that made sense because kissing her would only add to my list of wrongs.
Kissing Grace would lead to more, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind, but neither one of us was in a position where more could work.
I mean, I could move and transfer to a division out here, or she could even move and relocate her boutique, but something told me that wasn’t nearly as easy as it sounded. I was too new of a detective to transfer to a division that I wanted though and I’d likely be stuck working crimes and cases that my heart wasn’t in because as sad and hard as they were, the group of detectives who made up special crimes-type forces tended to stick together for years on end. Getting a position at Salt Lake City had been pure luck and I enjoyed the positive outcomes of our cases.
Hated the negative ones, but the positive ones made the job well worth it.
“How about we start over?” I offered, not knowing what else to say. Her body language was much more relaxed and her eyes didn’t seem as troublesome as they had been, but I knew getting to her was going to take much more than some words and a hug.
“What do you mean?” Her gaze was on me again and the blush that had adorned her cheeks, as cute as it had been, evened back to her normal complexion.
“Start today over. No more stifled answers.” I gave her a playful wink, trying everything in my arsenal of tricks to get her to be completely relaxed with me.
Grace nodded, her eyes once again holding a hint of unease. She glanced over to where Sydney and the boys were still playing in the sand and I followed her gaze over my shoulder. Sydney looked up and waved with a smile before going back to driving a truck through the sand.
“She honestly thinks we’re going to get together,” Grace mused and as much as I wanted to agree with her flippant statement, there was part of me holding back.
Part of me that wanted to say screw the logistics, the facts on why we couldn’t work, and find a way to give them all the bird and prove them wrong. I would have to think about that.
“She’s pretty ruthless, isn’t she?” I said instead. “The drive to the house earlier, she was all sly winks and shoulder bumps that you were going to be there.”
Grace smiled and laughed lightly. I could hear the slight change in her tone, a bit less apprehensive. “Last night when Cael told her you were coming, she was the same with me.” She took a deep breath and her lips fell together in a soft smile, one that was all sweet Grace. “How have you been, Soy? I’m sorry we didn’t talk after Bri was born.”
I wanted to tell her I was sorry for not talking after meeting Jeremy, too, but I didn’t think rehashing that was a good idea. Not when I already did as much a little while ago.
“Good, I’ve been good,” I nodded a few times. “Let’s just keep those times in the past. You’re talking to me now, right?”
