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Grace
I don’t know what came over me, but the moment we crested to the top, I knew I wanted Sawyer’s arms around me. Was I asking for something that wasn’t there? Was I imagining every side glance and teasing remark, wanting them to mean more than they were?
Or was Sawyer on the same page I was?
Trusting my gut, trusting Sawyer, I moved our linked hands in front of me, standing in front of him. Once I did it though, I had a slight moment of panic—that maybe this was too much, maybe he had just been holding my hand because that’s what friends did…
But he stepped into me, pressing me close, and I felt myself completely relax.
Everything silenced in my head. All I heard was the crashing waves around the bluff below us, the wind in the trees, and Sawyer’s even breaths. Even the gulls were quiet right at this moment. If I listened hard enough, I imagined I could hear his heart beating too. I could feel its strong beat near my head, vibrating through his chest as we stood there in silence.
Otherwise, it was perfect silence.
Perfect quiet to the chaos.
I didn’t know what to say right now, but I didn’t think that this moment called for words. So instead, I let myself relax fully into Sawyer, knowing without a doubt that this man had me. He would never let me fall.
When he rubbed his chin against my temple, I curled my lips slightly. This right here, this comfortableness I only seemed to find in Sawyer, was something I had never experienced in Jeremy’s arms. There was a reason my feelings never grew for him, and the reason was standing right behind me.
I felt as Sawyer pulled himself away from me slightly, his back leaning away from the comforting cocoon he brought me. Realizing that this perfect moment must be over, I took a step forward, but his hand tightened in mine and his other hand brushed my hair to my other shoulder, leaving my neck exposed…
And then his mouth was there.
On the side of my neck, his lips ever so gentle. A shudder racked through my body at the foreignness of it. Then he let go of my hand, only to place his palm flat over my stomach, his teeth scraping over my skin in an open mouth kiss.
Oh my, what he was doing to my body.
I closed my eyes as my heartrate started to climb, but not from anxiety. No. Like flipping a switch, my body was completely turned on, my nipples tightening under my sweatshirt, my core tingling and close to that ebbing pulse that would take just the feel of his roughened fingers on my bare skin to send me over.
Suddenly I wished I hadn’t worn this sweatshirt; I wanted to feel the heat of his hand on my stomach, the other holding my hair at my shoulder. The weight of his hands weren’t enough. I was thankful for the bagginess of the neckline however, giving him access to dip, dip, dip further…
My shoulders rose when he hit that lovely spot in the curve of my neck, the one spot that was sure to have me on the edge if he spent too much time there.
With gentle kisses, he allowed my body to calm until my shoulders went back to neutral and my head tipped away.
“You ok?” he whispered against my neck, his breath a chilled balm over the spot his mouth had just been.
Was I ok? I was fabulous. I was on top of the world.
This man was one I wanted with my entire being but couldn’t have.
I couldn’t have him.
I couldn’t…
“What are we doing?” I asked quietly when he scraped his teeth against the sensitive skin there, his lips lightly sucking over the spot to gentle any hurts.
When he didn’t answer right away, I was sure he hadn’t heard me. I tried to turn and while he let me, he didn’t let me step too far from his embrace.
“I can’t do this again,” I whispered, my chin lowered but my eyes on his. While the one time we were together was mutually satisfying and we both left with no expectations, at that point in our lives we were barely new friends.
Now we had five years of the richest of friendships between us. As badly as I wanted this man, regardless of the obstacles in our way and the reasons why we just couldn’t be, I needed the calm he brought me more.
I needed to know there was more than one person on this earth who could bring me back to even ground, who could silence the worries in my mind. And while Sydney was a great friend and was often my anchor, nobody brought me back to surface like Sawyer Meadows did.
Doing this—this kissing and very likely something more—could easily devastate everything we had built over the last five years. I may have semi-lost him over the last few months over silly things like ex-boyfriends and green eyed monsters, but I didn’t think that losing him a second time and getting him back again would come as easily as these last two days had.
Sawyer took my hands and pulled them around his lower back, only letting go when I fisted my hands in the hem of his tee. He then took my face in his hands, tilting my face up. His voice low, he said the words he often said but never once with malice in his soothing tone. “Turn off your worry, sweetness. Just feel.”
But it wasn’t that easy.
It wasn’t easy to just—
Then his mouth was on mine and everything faded out.
