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Sawyer
Once I started kissing her, it was as if I couldn’t stop. It was as if every missed kiss over the last five years fought to be had right here in this moment.
And she wasn’t stopping it.
Grace’s small hands stayed fisted in my shirt, holding me to her as I swept my tongue into her parted mouth. The tip of her tongue touched mine tentatively and it was all gone from there. I pulled her close, the evidence of my arousal more than obvious as I pressed my hips into her stomach but she didn’t seem to mind.
No, if anything, it only prompted her to deepen the kiss on her own terms. When her pinkies brushed the bare skin of my back, I had to pull away. There was kissing in public, and there was kissing in public, and we were well on our way to me losing my mind in her.
Sweet, quiet Grace was the woman I measured all else against. I didn’t want a woman longer than a few hours because I knew there was one woman that I wanted for days, months, years.
If I was going to do this—kissing her, wanting her, showing her—I was going to do it right.
And damn near humping her in public with tented jeans between us when any number of people could come across, was not the way to do it.
My heart pounding in my chest, I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers, my hands still on her cheeks. “God, feel how much I want you.”
She stilled and I opened my eyes, seeing a slight sheen of uncomfortable weariness in her blue gaze as she shifted. Shit. Feel how much I want you. Well fuck yeah, she could feel. My cock was fighting to be free of the denim barrier, but that wasn’t what I meant at all.
I reached behind my back to gently pry her right hand free, placing it over the erratic beat of my heart. “There, Gracie. Feel it there.”
Her eyes locked on our hands over my heart and she nibbled on her lip. The longer she stared, the more anxious I was starting to feel. I didn’t care what she said, I just needed her to say something.
This being unsure thing was shit, yet I knew it was only a fraction of what she sometimes felt day in and out.
Finally, her eyes lifted to mine and fuck if my heart didn’t falter and skip a beat or two. Her eyes were wet, a ridge of tears along the lower lashes. Fuck. Tears weren’t a good sign.
“I can’t lose what I have with you. You’re my calm,” she admitted quietly. “The radio silence we had, I don’t think I could live with it.” She blinked, releasing two tears in rapid succession down one cheek, a single drop down the other. I moved my hands again, one to her hip and the other back to her cheek, my thumb gently caressing over the wet trail.
“Grace, I don’t think it’s possible to lose what we have. I’m drawn to you, sweetness. Have been since the day I saw your picture in Sydney’s tiny-assed apartment over some Italian dish or another.” I gave her a smile because yeah, I remembered those kinds of details.
“I knew who you were before meeting you at the party, but seeing you there, uncomfortable and unsure, and learning that you were just as quiet as you were on that video, only made me like you more. I was lying to myself when I said we couldn’t have more than one night. We could have so much more, Gracie.” My voice was low and raw, and I could only hope that it conveyed what I felt for this woman.
“But the distance.” Her eyes were back on her hand over my heart, staring.
“I can move. Put in a request, apply to other departments.”
Her thumb lightly brushed over the material of my shirt, grazing my nipple. I sucked in a breath to quiet the groan. She didn’t have a clue…
“I’m scared.”
I took her face in my hands again, tilting her head back once again so she could look up at me. “Me too, Grace. I may be your calm, but you fucking ground me, Gracelyn.”
“What if—”
I cut her off with a light press of my lips over hers. “No ‘what ifs,’ Grace,” I whispered over her lips, the feel of mine brushing over hers almost too much. The simple intimacy of the moment simply solidified that I needed her in my life. “We cross bridges when we get to them and don’t worry about them until they present themselves. If they present themselves.”
Grace hadn’t said anything the entire walk back to the car but she held my hand the entire way, a small consolation.
That had to mean something, right?
After I had kissed her lips lightly once more, we decided it was time to head back. Sydney was likely wondering where we had run off to. I was in San Diego to keep her company, after all.
The drive back was done in silence too, with me keeping my hands to myself. I would have loved to put my hand on her knee again, but Grace was currently shut down, with her hands folded together between her clenched thighs and her head facing the window. What I would give to be in her head right now.
It wasn’t realistic for her to be anxiety-free all of the time and as badly as it sat with me right now that whatever wheels were turning in her head were directly related to my words and actions, I knew this was something she had to work through.
I wasn’t going anywhere; she could take all the time she needed.
