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Yeah. Absolute projecting right now.
I had to get to the bottom of these feelings.
I had to bring them up to Savannah.
I had to stop acting like a damn child and just say it.
I took the fastest cold shower of my life, my intentions high—I was going to get out there, and we were going to hash out the last three years.
It was one thing to be a fifteen year old kid who didn’t think he could possibly like-like his best friend.
It was another thing to be twenty-six and playing the “does she like me, does she not like me” game.
I knew Savannah as well as I knew myself.
What the hell was stopping me from telling her I loved her?
Shower complete, I dried off just as quickly and threw on the clean sweatpants and t-shirt I had for bed. Rubbing on my deodorant, I thought about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.
I knew that if I straight out told her, Look, I think that you have feelings for me and that’s why you wouldn’t take me to the airport, she’d clam up.
If I said, I want to talk about your twenty-first birthday, she’d get flustered and continue to deny, deny, deny.
I knew that if I were to do anything, I was going to have to come at it from a “me” angle. My thoughts. My feelings. My desires.
My fears. My transgressions.
I said no to Bella because she’s not you.
That.
I said no to Bella because she wasn’t Savannah.
She’d have questions. She likely wouldn’t believe anything right away, but if I started with that, and then told her everything else, surely she’d believe it.
Right?
Yes.
Plan in place, I stepped out of the bathroom.
The cabin was quiet but for the fire going in the fireplace. Stepping toward the bed, I saw that Savannah was in it—and fast asleep.
Like a deflated balloon, everything in me dropped.
I was really working on the impulsive angle and now knowing the conversation wouldn’t be had until at least morning...
Well, shit.
But I also wasn’t about to wake her up.
Instead, I moved to the unoccupied side of the bed and slipped under the covers. Laying on my back, I looked over to my left, where Savannah lay on her side, her back to me.
Just like old times.
I imagined rolling up to her and being the big spoon to her little one. The more the thought took hold in my head, the higher my desire grew. Trying to fall asleep with a boner wasn’t going to do me any favors, so I forced the train of thought off and rolled to my side, away from her.
I stared at the fire for what felt like hours, but eventually dozed to sleep.
