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“I just... I can’t...” It was clear I was frustrated. “Fuck, I can’t stop thinking about her. I miss her, man. It was just once in a while, but it’s been damn near every day the last few weeks.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Shit, I don’t know...”
And the screen faded to black.
I hit the pause button and let her process what had transpired.
“I’m assuming,” Savannah started after a moment of silence. I put the phone down and looked at her just as she looked up at me. “I’m assuming I’m the ‘her’ you were talking about.”
The look in her eyes told me she was still having difficulties wrapping her head around it, but there was just enough hope in her eyes to tell me that she was working on it.
“You are. It’s also the last time I have any air time, outside of advancing to the next round, in this episode.”
Savannah brought her legs up to sit crossed legged, then used her hands on either side of her to lift and shift to face me. “Why did you stay then? I’m trying really hard to believe everything. I mean...” She paused before pointing her hand toward the wall behind the bed. “I want to believe it. I wouldn’t have kissed you otherwise.” Ah, she was pointing to the kitchen table, not the wall. “But everything in my mind is a jumbled mess. You’ve never lied to me, so I know...in here, I know,” she put her hand to her chest, “you’re telling the truth, but I just don’t understand the why. At the very least, why didn’t you tell me?”
“You know how you say our friendship is your constant? How you don’t want to ruin that, because then what do you have left?”
She nodded.
“It’s the same for me, Savannah. Yeah, I have my baseball buddies and I have the guys at work, but you’re my constant too. You’ve always been my person. You’ve always been my number one. And I truly believe you always will be.” I reached for her hand, sitting up a little straighter. “I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid that we try to see where our chemistry goes, and have everything explode around us, and we fail miserably. I’m afraid that if that happens, you won’t be able to be my friend anymore. Worse, I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle being your friend anymore.
“But what if...what if it works? What if you’re meant to be mine, and I’m meant to be yours? And maybe that’s why it’s so damn hard when you’re not speaking to me, or why the last three years have been strained. Because we’re not following the course that’s meant for us. My mom once told me that she thought you were my soulmate. She tried to cover it up by saying that soulmates didn’t have to be romantic, but I feel like I met you when I did for a reason. I was supposed to be your person to get you through your storms. And you were supposed to be my person to keep me grounded.
“I want to try, Savannah,” I confessed, my eyes never straying from hers. There was a slight sheen of tears hanging out in her lower lids, but she didn’t let them fall. “I want to see where it goes. Because I have a feeling that wherever it goes, it’s going to be great.”
When she nodded and whispered, “Okay,” I was shocked.
Pretty sure I fell back a little too.
I was expecting more of a fight. More of her demons to push and refuse.
“Really?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I’m... I won’t lie, I’m scared to lose you. I don’t have friends—”
“You do too. Shayne, Posey, Amina... Abi.”
“They’re friends because of work.”
“That doesn’t make them any less your friends, Savannah.”
“Regardless,” she refuted, shaking her head, “I’m terrified of losing you. But, I think...yeah, I think we owe it to ourselves to see.”
I couldn’t stop my smile if I tried. “And really, what changes, other than I can kiss you whenever I want?”
She laughed, the sound watery as her eyes finally filled to the point of overflowing. After a moment though, she became serious again. “Can we... Would it be an issue if we take it slow though? Just, you know, just in case.”
Just in case it didn’t work.
As if taking it slow would protect her heart.
It didn’t matter how fast or slow we went, my heart was already fully invested, but I’d do whatever she needed.
“I have a lifetime of years for you. We can take it at whatever pace you need.”
Her smile was small, but it was real, making her brown eyes sparkle and that dimple of hers came on display. I reached up to the swell of her cheek and rubbed my thumb lightly over the indent.
