Page 66 of Lost Without You


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“Yeah, I was... I had...” I took a breath. “Look, Bella. I tried to leave the show. I told the producers that there was someone else, but they didn’t let me remove myself from the competition. Shit.” I realized we were essentially having this conversation in the hall, which could result in me being sued, so I let her inside. When the door closed behind her, I moved as far from her as I could, without being rude. Then, I laid it all out on the line for her, not mincing any words. “I’ve been in love with Savannah since I was a kid, and I was having a hard time with things with her.”

“I didn’t think you’d been in a serious relationship... You told me you hadn’t been,” Bella asked, confused.

And she was right. One of our first conversations, I’d told her I had never been in a long-term romantic relationship. My longest one was maybe a year, year and a half, but that was it. It never got to moving-in territory.

“It’s...complicated.”

Not missing a beat, Bella then asked, “Is Savannah the best friend, then?”

I nodded, not surprised that she caught on. Being an actress, she did a lot of people-studies. She’d told me one of her favorite courses in college—because her parents wouldn’t let her just move to New York City or Los Angeles without some type of degree—was human psychology.

“She’s my best friend, yes. I’ve known her since I was ten.”

“That’s a long time.”

“It is.” Not wanting to waste time with small talk, I continued, “I am so sorry that took the spot of one of the other guys who may have been a better choice for you. If I had realized earlier in the process, I think they would have let me go, or I would have found a way to discuss it with you, but as it was, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. You’re a lovely girl, Bella, but—”

“You love her. I get it.” Bella’s smile was still soft but genuine. “I do. I’m sorry that I came all this way. Tony or the rest of the crew wouldn’t get me your contact information, but Tony did slide me your address. I really should have left well enough alone. You were pretty clear about the fact you had someone else. I was just... I don’t know, hoping that maybe that wasn’t the case.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized again, just as the front door opened and my name was called out before the person on the other side could see.

At Savannah’s voice, I immediately stood tall. “Sav.”

The door opened fully and she stepped in. Her eyes initially landed on mine and her smile was wide, but it was just after that when she realized there was someone else in the apartment with us.

Immediately, everything on her face dimmed. “Oh.” She frowned and I just knew every moment of us talking and working through her anxiety where she and I were concerned, were now being thrown out the window. “Oh,” she repeated, looking between Bella and myself. “I’ll just... I’m sorry for interrupting.” Her voice was dejected as she turned away.

“Savannah!” I took a step forward but rather than letting the door swing close on it’s own, she pulled the door closed behind her and I couldn’t grab it fast enough.

“Fuck.”

“That’s her, isn’t it?” Bella asked.

“Yeah. That’s Savannah. And fuck...I... I’m sorry. I have to go.” I grabbed the door handle and swung it open, not even bothering to wait for Bella to leave.

I had only one thing on my mind, and that was catching up to Savannah.

She had to have run down the hall, because I could hear the heavy closing of a door that could only be hers, as I didn’t see her down the hall. I followed after at my own clipped pace and was thankful to find her door unlocked.

“Savannah!” I called out, just as another door shut.

Shit.

“Savannah. It’s not what you think...” I went to her bedroom and tried this door, but found it locked. “Fuck,” I mumbled, resting my forehead to the six-panel door. “Savannah, listen to me. It’s not what you think. I promise you. C’mon, baby, unlock the door. Please.”

When she didn’t—and instead, I heard the shower start, because of course, she would retreat to the shower—I stepped back from the door.

This was not ending like this.

She could have her minutes in the shower. Hell, she could have an hour or more in the shower. But we were confronting this. She was going to know that she couldn’t jump to conclusions.

That she shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

I didn’t know what the fuck else I could do to prove to her that it was her I wanted, short of a proposal! And if me staying with her for the duration of this virus had taken her a couple of days to wrap her head around, she certainly wasn’t ready for that question.

Resigned for the moment—other than popping the lock and breaching her privacy, I had nothing else to do at this moment—I walked back through the one-bedroom apartment toward the front door, seeing the bag of food that must have been delivered while I was talking to Bella.

I’d told Savannah I’d be here before it got her so of course, the food arriving and my not arriving would have prompted her to come check on me.

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