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Sailor
My fear of heights is lost with Logan’s lips on mine. So is my rationality. I told myself I would not do this with him. Would not fall for him again. He destroyed me before. It took me years to get over him. Maybe I never did. Maybe I just forgot him because I became someone else.
“You can’t keep doing that,” I say, my lips brushing against his. “I don’t want this.”
“Liar.”
His hand is at the nape of my neck, and he kisses me again, this time more fiercely. This time more ravishingly. I can hardly breathe when he releases me. My hand is fisted in his shirt. The other is gripping his bicep.
“I really don’t,” I deny.
“Fine,” he says as the ride slows. “I’m coming to you tonight.”
“No. Don’t.”
He presses his lips to mine once more. Just a soft peck. “If you deny me again, I’ll stay away. I’ll leave you alone.”
“You need to.”
“I will.”
The operator stops the ride and unlocks our safety bar. He holds his hand out and helps me out, and I don’t look back at Logan. His promise lingers between us as I walk away.
Before he returned to town, he made a similar promise to me. He was supposed to come to the docks and meet me. It was our spot, and we’d been meeting there nearly all summer. He told me he had something to handle first. I knew that something was Jolene. He planned to break up with her.
Only he didn’t. When he didn’t show up at the docks, I came to the carnival. Everyone always went to the carnival. Before our summer together, Logan and Jolene would come to the carnival together.
I’m not sure why, but my gut told me he was with her. That his promises were empty. My gut was right. The two of them were walking around holding hands. She was beaming. I knew right then that I would never really have him. They got married before he ever left for college.
Of course, I know why now. I think a part of me always knew that. The timing makes sense. But back then, I was a young girl whose heart had been broken. Shattered.
I was in love with Logan. I had this future in my mind, and it centered around him. It didn’t occur to me that my future would lead somewhere else, where I stayed behind in Coree Harbor. Where I would lose my sister. Where I would become this woman who doesn’t believe in love.
Forgiveness and understanding weren’t an option then. I’m not sure they are now.
