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The crackers to your soup
(Liam)
The next day I had to go into the pub to place the order with the supplier. These days it was a formality: I could easily drive into town, go to the Costco and buy enough beer to sell and probably do no worse than now, but the supplier’s name was Phil and he had been delivering alcohol to this pub for years. He needed the work. I drove over, the only thought in my head, rattling around... For fucks sake, Blakely, why are ye goin’ and doing it?”
Naisha was there and as usual, after about two minutes of putting up with me, got up in m’business. “Out with it.”
“What?” I kicked the keg with my foot tae shove it away, then yanked a towel off the bar almost upendin’ a bottle. “Why the hell is a bottle on top of a—” I remembered that I had just put the bottle there, so I added, “All I am sayin’ is a little care and attention would be good.” I pushed a barstool tae the side almost knockin’ it over.
I glanced up and Naisha had her arms crossed, tapping her foot. “I am not moving one muscle, not one inch, until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Yer tappin’ yer foot, that is movin’.”
She used her bar towel tae smack m’shoulder. “You’re in my way, Liam. If you’re going to be temper-tantruming like a child, at least get out of my way so I can work. You know what I see when you kick inanimate objects? Someone blamin’ everyone else for their troubles. I’ll have you know I did not put that keg there. Why are you kicking it and carrying on? Because you want me to see you angry? It’s ridiculous.”
“I dinna do it for ye.”
“If I wasn’t here you wouldn’t kick it. Guaranteed.”
“I would too kick it — did ye ever think I might be restraining myself from really beating it all tae hell because ye are here, because maybe I daena want tae look foolish in front of such a bonny lass? And how come the bonny lass is calling me ridiculous? It is enough tae make me question m’manhood.” I joked, “Now I feel all emasculated and I might hae tae sit in the corner and feel sorry for myself while ye work alone.”
She laughed. “You and your Scottish ways, it’s hard to be angry at you when you’re calling me bonny.”
I chuckled. “Aye, we Scots invented the word ‘bonny’ just tae keep us out of trouble with the lassies, we are verra smart about the... usually.” I leaned against the bar.
She said, “I know, you’ve told me, Scottish men are very romantic. And now we’re back to the beginning, out with it.”
“Blakely asked me tae stop calling her.”
“Liam what did you do?”
“Nothing, bored her tae death. She decided tae move on because she dinna see a future with us.”
“Oh, I am sorry, you really liked her.”
“Aye, she was the greatest thing that ever happened tae me.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Did you really see a future with her?”
“Aye...” I tossed down m’towel, then shook my head. “Nae really.”
“That’s because you don’t see a future with anyone. You don’t see any future, you just see bleak nothingness. You only want to sell the pub and complain complain complain, how is she going to see a future with someone like that?”
I exhaled.
“That lady, she was high end, top shelf, she was too good for you.”
I clutched my chest. “Och, Naisha has taken the truth and shot it through my heart, ye tryin’ tae kill me?”
“Truth will not kill you, it’s a chance to learn something—”
The door opened and Posy from the camping equipment store walked in. “Naisha, I’m coming to take you to lunch— is something going on?”
“Liam’s woman dumped him last night.”
“Aw, Sweetie!” She hugged me and then settled on a bar stool.
I said, “Are ye going tae join Naisha in tellin’ me Blakely was too good for m’sorry Scots arse and that I am too boring for her with all m’complaining?”
